The Race Against the Clock
by Franco Ferrer-San Miguel
Summary: Time is running out... a wedding is about to happen... Will Arnold stop the wedding in time? Or has it been doomed from the beginning? An ALTERNATE ENDING meant for "Reciprocated Love".


**Hi, this is Franco Ferrer, and this is my first (technically _second_, but that's another story) fanfic, _The Race Against the Clock._ This is meant to be an Alternate Ending to Sandra Strickland's __****Hey Arnold!** fanfic, _Reciprocated Love_ (in Spanish: _Amor Correspondido_), and, as such, events are meant to replace chapters 51 and 52. This was one of 3 ideas I put forth, and I ended up _doing _it because no-one else would step up to **do it.**

**There's a reason why it's rated M - it's in keeping with the _original_ story (_Reciprocated Love_), and it also has a _sex scene_ in it, courtesy of Conor Dachisen (and polished a bit with the help of YourEveryDayMia); I honestly _cannot_ write a sex scene to save my life - I like _reading_ them, but _writing _them is a different story...**

**Dedicated to AiraChica for her support.  
Dedicated to Conor, for helping me out and supporting me.  
Dedicated to Mia.  
And Special Thanks go to Sandra Strickland for actually writing the story.**

**I would like to give thanks to Mike Nichols, Buck Henry, and Charles Webb for _The Graduate_. Because I borrowed a few things.**

**As though it needs to be said:  
**_**Hey Arnold!**_ **and its characters ****are the property of Craig Bartlett and Nickelodeon. No rights are meant to be infringed.  
_Reciprocated Love/Amor Correspondido_ and its characters are the property of Sandra Strickland. No rights are meant to be infringed.  
_The Graduate_ is the property of Mike Nichols/Buck Henry/Charles Webb and Embassy Pictures/United Artists. No rights are meant to be infringed.**

* * *

"So that's it," Brian stated, after a few minutes of listening. "The point is, James has tricked you guys completely."

He then pressed the stop button on a tape machine.

"I just can't believe this," Bob said. "To think that he, of all people, would do this..."

"Well, it couldn't be helped," Brian said. "He just pulled the wool over your eyes. He's been doing it for a long time... roughly 10 years, I guess? You just happen to be the next victims in this."

Miriam sobbed heavily at hearing this.

"However," Brian then said, "the plan could have been made for years, and right now is the time for the final movements to be made."

What Brian was referring to was a moment that could not have been invented by better ears.

* * *

On the day Arnold left Hillwood (he'd left, apparently, to sort some things out, or so he said), Brian had seen Edward and James in the restaurant. He didn't know why, but something was quite off. They were talking too much about future events, and not on present matters, like the upcoming wedding. They decided to go to the bathroom, since it would be more quieter to talk than in the loudness of the restaurant. Brian, with a sick feeling in his gut, decided to temporarily leave his post and decided to go to the bathroom as well.

Once inside, Brian decided to play to his nickname and quickly went into a stall and closed the door. Once inside there, he took out a tape recorder he'd been carrying for weeks. He turned it on, not knowing what he was bound to hear. Normally, he'd get heavy political stuff coming from James, but he wasn't prepared for what he was about to hear.

"So," Edward began, "how're things going with that blonde girl? Hilda, I think her name was..."

_Hilda?_ Brian thought. _But Hilda's in the countryside! Unless... _He began to realise who it was that Edward was speaking about.

"Things couldn't have gone better," James boasted. "She really believes that marrying me is the best thing that could happen to her. All I had to do was play them against each other, and watch as they split. And all so I could get my way into her family money!" He laughed.

Brian's heart sunk as he heard this. _He's talking about Helga and her family!_, he thought. _Arnold was right all along! There _wasn't _any love in the relationship - not from James, anyway. Poor Helga!_

They were still laughing.

"You're so Machiavellian, man!", Edward said. "Gaining the trust of the family of a girl, then taking away her money, and then hanging her and her family out to dry, begging for spare change... How can you do that?" He asked sarcastically.

_Oh, my God! He's gonna kick her to the curb!_ Brian thought. _That bastard! But then again, all politicians are alike!_

"Well, it wont happen just yet," James said. "All I gotta do is string Helga along, until the time comes. And then... the doozy, and the ugly split will come... her family will be so in debt, they'll be forced to be in the street!"

_Not if I stop you first!_, Brian thought.

"And poor old Arnold!" James added.

"Yeah, poor old Arnold," Edward said. "Made you lunch and treated you nice. Now he's gonna come and shove a blowtorch up your ass!"

They both laughed at this.

"Oh, please," James retorted. "You really think Arnold's gonna take her and her family in? The guy's in a rut ever since she left him. From what I'm hearing, he's going to kill himself up in the woods. Thing is, I kinda feel sorry for him."

"Yeah," Edward responded, "key word here is 'kind of'." Both of them erupted into laughter again.

_That's where you're wrong, James!_, Brian thought bitterly._ Obviously he'd take Helga in without a second thought, you _bastard! _If Arnold were here, he'd beat your ass till Christ Comes to Hillwood._

"Regardless," James said, "all I need to do is to keep up appearances, and then the ugly truth will be known several years down the road."

They started leaving, and then they switched back into their political banter. Meanwhile, Brian, now reverting to his "Brainy" moniker, pulled one of the most daring plans yet. But before he could go and tell Helga's parents, he had to do something first.

He waited until Edward went to his house by car, along with George and the others. James was all alone. He decided to walked to the park. Brian was not far behind. He followed him to the bridge, where they both stopped. At that moment, Brian confronted James.

"I know what you're up to," he said bluntly.

James turned his attention to the guy with the buzz-haircut.

"Oh, really?", he asked ironically.

Brian stood his ground.

"I know that you don't love her," he said.

James feigned surprise.

"That's not true," he said nonchalantly.

Brian was getting tired of James' nonchalance.

"James," he spoke bluntly, "I know that you're trying to bankrupt the Patakis and leave them on the streets flat broke. I also know that you practically made it hell for Arnold so he could go commit suicide. I'm telling you right now, straight from the heart - you're not going to do it on my watch. I intent to prevent this tragedy from happening."

James then chuckled.

"And how do you intend to do _that?_", he asked ironically.

Brian was not intimidated by James in the slightest. He stood his ground.

"I'll go to the Patakis and tell them what you're doing," he said. "Then I'll petition the President to remove you from your seat, if that's possible. I'm not about to let you cause any hurt to them."

James then slapped Brian across the face. He then grabbed him by his lapels and shook him.

"And who's going to believe you?", he asked. "No-one will believe my fiancée's stalker - they'll believe in the more reputable aspiring senator. You've got _zero_ chances in trying to stop me. And let me even more clear: if you tell _anyone_ about what went on, if the marriage ceremony gets even a huge interruption from you... I'll throw your sorry little butt in jail... and you know damn well I can do it."

Thus saying, he punched Brian in the face. James then dropped Brian. After that, he then threw him a napkin.

"Clean yourself up."

He then left. Brian then got up. He then smirked.

"Oh, James," he said, chuckling. "You've just fucked yourself, my friend. Now I wonder _who _will be believed, when I show a few certain people my report?"

He then walked back to the bar and removed his tape recorder from his body. He then went to his boss and told him about what happened, and then promptly, in spite of his boss' objections, announced he was quitting. However, his boss convinced him to take the whole month off, sensing that James and Edward, who were the restaurant's biggest patrons, were not going to be returning as a result of some actions that were going to be taken. Brian then thanked him, and he left. He had one last place to go in his mission: the Pataki house.

_I have to stop James and Edward_, he thought. _I can't let them get away with this._

* * *

Back at the present, Bob was aghast at this sudden revelation.

"Now what do we do?", he asked. "We gave him our trust again... and he lied to our faces."

A terrified Miriam herself could come up with no options.

"We can't just let this happen! My youngest daughter marrying a swindler... that's horrible! If only we decided against the reunion..."

Brian was sitting deep in thought.

"I think I know what to do - you, Bob, will cancel the wedding. It's a few thousand dollars, but still, it's an acceptable loss, considering what will happen if we do nothing."

"Of course."

"But," Brian added, "you have to play it cool - you can't allow James to think that you're onto him. Make him think that you're uncertain about going forward with it, what with your several problems at hand.

Bob was weirded out. "I don't have any problems, though."

"I _know_ that," Brian said, slightly irritated, "but you have to _pretend_ that you have them, understand? Under no circumstances you are to allow James to find out that you know what James is going to do to you."

At this, Bob was surprised. "Oh, I see," he mused. "Let him fall like the little bastard that he is, huh? Lie to him and see if he stops bugging us? All right, bucko, I'll do _just that._ Besides, it wouldn't be the last time I try to outswindle a swindler...", he chuckled.

"If the plan somehow fails," Brian started, "we'll only have one option left - the more drastic one, but if we want to stop James, it _has_ to be done."

"And that is...?", Miriam asked.

"We crash the wedding before they get to say their vows," Brian said. "I'd much rather prefer that we cancel it, but if comes to the worst case scenario, we _will _get her out of wherever the wedding will be held."

"But don't we need a catalyst for the plan?", Bob asked. "You know, someone who can efficiently carry it out?"

"I know," Brian said. "Arnold will be the one to carry it out - the _only_ one to carry it out."

"But didn't you say that he's gone off to kill himself? That might mean he's dead already," Miriam said.

"Not necessarily," Brian responded. "He went off by himself earlier today, but I don't think he's going to commit suicide just that quick."

The hopes of both of Helga's parents immediately brightened. "Do you know where he is, then?", Bob asked.

"Yeah," Brian responded. "I heard him say he was going to the north - Adirondack Park, if I'm correct."

"Then let's go," Bob said. "We don't have a moment to lose..."

After taking some stuff that Bob deemed necessary, the both of them decided to follow Brian on their car. They went off to Adirondack Park - and to prevent Arnold from committing his greatest folly yet.

* * *

On a desolate July afternoon (actually beautiful to everyone else, but to a certain someone, it was desolate), Lake Champlain held a kind of melancholy.

Arnold had gone to this place because no-one would find him there. He was looking disheveled, unkempt, and all around totally depressed. After Helga ended the affair out of fear of what James would do, he had been on a downward spiral. He had thought of killing himself in the boarding house, but decided against it, on account of the noise it would make. After considering all the choices, he chose Lake Champlain, because it was isolated. By the time the dental records confirmed that the John Doe found on the lake was none other than Arnold Shortman, they would have all forgotten about him, just as they wanted.

_Nobody wants me anymore_, Arnold thought bitterly. _Helga betrayed me. My friends left me. Wouldn't it be nice if I just _disappeared _and was never heard from again? That's what everyone wants: Helga, James, my best friends, my own family. On the whole, they'll be glad I'm gone. Helga can marry that bastard, and my friends will all dance for joy. I have _zero _regrets._

But then, a new thought overtook him. He suddenly realised something.

_What am I thinking?!_ Arnold thought. He was horrified. _Brian still cares for me! I mean, he tried to stop me from doing this. And then there's Phoebe and Grandma... how sad would _they_ be if I did this? And what if my parents suddenly returned, and found that their son committed suicide by jumping in a lake? That's not a very nice thing to do, is it?_

Thus saying, he untied the rope from the stone. After coiling up the rope again, Arnold hurled the stone into the lake. With a huge splash, the stone went under the waters of the lake.

Arnold then went back to contemplate his life. He still felt bitter about the break up. Besides his grandfather, he had only 2 people to blame. It was no secret that both Miriam and Bob still preferred James as a better son-in-law than Arnold - something akin to "Rich girls don't marry poor boys". Maybe he would never commit suicide, but he would remain woman-less for the rest of his life - to avoid giving any of his offspring the same sad fate he had suffered. But before that, he decided to make a new vow: before he became a full-fledged hermit, Arnold was going to make both Patakis _pay_ for what they did. He would stop at nothing to humiliate them at any given point - TV cameras, public appearances, wherever. The Pataki family was going to pay a _high_ price.

He was smiling inside, and was lost in his reverie, when a familiar voice shouted out. "Arnold!" It was a slightly young male voice. Another one, much more gruffer, followed with something else.

"Man, you are hopeless!", the voice said. "Don't you know the lakes up north are useless for suicide? Millions tried, but they failed!" He was laughing at his own joke.

Arnold recognised the voices, and turned around. He saw Brian, accompanied by... _his enemies?!_ He was angry. Whatever joy Arnold had when he saw Brian faded when he saw both Patakis. He decided to pay them both back at once.

"What the fuck do _you _want?", Arnold asked venomously and coldly.

The Patakis were in shock at hearing the usually kind-hearted boy spit such venom.

"We didn't come here to mock you," Miriam said, in a soothing voice. "We came here to make amends."

Arnold scoffed at this. "Yeah, make amends, how?!", he asked, in the same low tone. "By inviting me to Helga's wedding?!"

"Why are you doing this to us?", Bob asked, aghast.

"'Why,' you ask?" Arnold responded. "Hmm, let me think. You never did want me to marry your daughter because I was never good enough for her, you always preferred that guy because of the fame that it would give you, and now you're actually allowing him to marry her, thus becoming very powerful people, and thus moving up in the world. Am I onto something here?!"

These words hit the Patakis where they felt most at home.

"So I thought I would do you a favour and disappear from your lives," Arnold said, bitterly. "I came here to kill myself."

Miriam slowly approached him.

"I can understand what you've gone through," she said with a soothing voice. "I'm deeply sorry. I sympathise with you. But to take your own life... I tell you, man, that _life_ is the most _precious_ thing you have. It's the only thing you have. I don't say this lightly. If you take your own life, then you'd become worthless."

As she was saying this, Brian slowly walked up to them.

"You didn't let me finish," Arnold said. "I came here to kill myself, but then I realised something. I realised that there were people who didn't want me gone. There _are_ people that would be sad if I took my life. The 3 of you proved that to me."

Thus saying, he hugged both of them. He was crying heavily. Then the three of them started to walk away from the dock. Bob had held out his hand. Arnold decided, ever the gentleman he was, to shake his hand in truce. Arnold went up to him and shook his hand. They walked around the area together, the other two not being far behind.

"Ah, kid," Bob started, "what I wouldn't give to be your age again. Brave, strong-willed, bold... good qualities in a person to have."

He slipped a package into Arnold's pockets. Arnold was dumbfounded. He then checked his pockets, and found a bundle of $10 bills, making up to $500. To say that Arnold was shocked was an understatement.

"I want you to take it," Bob said.

"I can't take your money!", Arnold said, aghast. "That wouldn't be nice at all!"

"So what?" Bob responded. "I'm giving it to you so you can use it. I don't mind now."

"Look, Mr. Pataki, you're getting ahead of yourself here, and I mean no offence", Arnold said. "I can't accept it now, but if you still feel the same way about this, I'll take it later, OK? But I can't take your money now..."

Brian rolled his eyes.

"By the time you decide to get your money," Brian said, "the only place you'll be getting it is from the _unemployment office!_"

This floored Arnold. What was Brian talking about?

"What do you mean?", Arnold asked.

No-one could find an answer, though.

"_What do you mean?_", Arnold asked again, this time with more force. Still no-one could respond.

"I see," Arnold said, resigned. "Too heavy to tell me out here, huh? So much for being strongminded." He then chuckled. "Well, maybe we'll get better results in my cabin. Follow me."

They then followed Arnold to a cabin that was conveniently located close to the lake. Arnold picked up the keys from the Packard and unlocked the doors. They all entered the cabin. The cabin, albeit sparse, actually was kinda homey.

"Here's some TVs," Arnold said, pointing out stuff in the cabin, "Broadband, a radio, VHS, DVD, and, of course, working electricity. I've only been here for one day, and I only slept in the Packard, but it doesn't matter. So, if you've got something to show me..."

Brian then stepped up. "We have, yes," he said. "We won't be needing any of those for what we're about to show you."

He then took out the tape recorder. He set it down on the table and pressed the play button. For the next few minutes, Arnold listened as he heard James and Edward detailing their plot to sink the Pataki family - using Helga as the "means to an end", as it were. Arnold couldn't contain his rage when he started hearing that they actually were coaxing him not only into committing suicide, but also (the more stronger bit) that they actually were planning to ruin Helga and her family as they were intending. When the tape got into the part where Brian confronted James, Arnold was even more angry. As soon as the tape was finished, Arnold glared at the Patakis once again.

"And you _permitted_ them to do this?", he asked coldly.

Bob hung his head in shame.

"I have no excuse," he responded. "_None._"

"Geez, Arnold, can't you at least lay off them?", Brian asked. "They're not exactly to blame here, are they?"

"Alright, alright," Arnold grumbled. He then mumbled, "Can't commit suicide, now you're trying to take away the one thing I can have left..."

However, the other three laughed, and Arnold chuckled. Then the mood got serious again.

"It's just that," Arnold started, "I hugely believe inaction is a horrible thing, and it leads to catastrophes like this one to occur."

"If it's any consolation," Miriam began, "_both_ B and I blamed James at first for this, until Helga told us what happened."

Arnold was surprised when he heard this.

"_You_ did?", he asked incredulously.

"Yeah," she replied, "but we would be told the reality by our own daughter." She then scoffed. "Some reality _that _turned out to be. We were _right_ in blaming James when we first did."

"Well, it's all water under the bridge now," Arnold said. "What's important now is what to do next. We know that we can't stop James or his plans, so what courses of action can we take?"

"That's where we thought ahead of you," Brian responded. "We've actually made several good plans to try to prevent this from happening."

At this, Arnold was intrigued. "Let's hear them, then," he said.

"Bob will try to call James to cancel the wedding," Brian said. "I made it very clear that under no circumstances was he to indicate that he had known from _anyone_ about what James was trying to do. I think it's foolproof, but I don't know if it'll succeed. But it _must._ At all costs, _it must succeed_."

"Got it," Arnold understood. "But there's a serious question. Failing that, what is the other option?"

"You kidnap my daughter before she can say her 'I dos'," Bob said casually.

Arnold sat there thinking. He finally spoke.

"Well, Mr. Pataki, that would be a drastic choice," Arnold spoke. "Are you sure that this is a last resort?", he asked Brian.

"Yes, it _is_ the last resort," Brian said. "Personally, and I've told Mr. and Mrs. Pataki this, I'd much rather prefer that the wedding gets cancelled by mutual agreement, but if elopement with Helga is impossible to prevent, then elopement it'll be."

Arnold sat there in deep thought again. "Do you want my honest opinion?", he asked.

"Of course," Bob responded.

"I wouldn't hold my breath if James refuses to call it off or even moves it up because of the attempt," Arnold said. "I know James. He wouldn't waste any minute in moving anything up if he felt something was wrong. I honestly believe a leopard doesn't change his spots - no matter if he's a grease monkey or a politician... I think the elopement should be the main plan, but that's just me."

The other three realised that there was some truth in Arnold's words.

"Besides," he continued, "I'm living witness to James's deviousness. He kicked me out of his house twice when I tried to talk to Helga, and then made the devious suggestion that he would give her back if I wanted. _Of course_ I wanted her back. But it didn't matter to him once he caught us. You already know the rest of the story. But what angers me is that he actually wished me dead, and even had a _hand_ in my suicide attempt! That's really low."

He sat there, and contemplated what he should say next.

"You know, I have a confession to make," he admitted. "I was considering doing the same thing James was doing - only difference is, I'm not a wealthy guy. I was going to do it because you'd angered me. Before you came here, I actually realised, like I said, that Brainy, Phoebe and Grandma, and my parents would be sad if I actually went and threw myself into the lake. So I undid the rope and threw the stone into the lake. And with this revelation, I guess I can drop my plans to get revenge on the both of you."

"Well," Bob said, floored, "you don't have to worry - now you know that we _did_ oppose, and we _still_ oppose, the marriage."

"Yeah, I know that _now_," Arnold replied. Both of them chuckled.

All four of them then passed the next few hours talking and commiserating. The rest of the time they spent there was spent on calling all of Arnold's friends who didn't support him. Most of them (particularly Lila, Sheena, Curly, Nadine, Eugene, and Stinky, including Dr. Bliss) actually sympathised with Arnold and even gave their apologies, but others (particularly Rhonda, Sid, Gerald, and Phil) were quite apathetic towards Arnold, forcing Brian, at several times, to actually go Kenzô Okuzaki on said callers; Brian had to physically restrain himself from going over the phone and actually beating them up in addition to verbally abusing them. In Gerald's case, he had to be won over as soon as Bob threatened to _fire_ him. Some, like Harold, remained slightly neutral. As Arnold had expected, Phoebe and Gertie were horrified when they heard that Arnold was planning on committing suicide in a remote region, and quickly (although they didn't waste their time angrily shouting at him, regardless of Brian's presence, for doing such folly - neither of them really feared Brainy's anger) sympathised with him and offered to help in any way they could.

There was only one call left to do: James' call. By this point, all four of them were ready, and had understood that Bob and Bob alone was the one who could make the call.

"Remember," Brian said, "you are to keep him grounded. Under no circumstances you are to give him any hint of what you know."

Bob nodded. He then dialed James' number. Everyone was hanging on in suspense. Only Bob was coldly calm. He could _afford_ to be coldly calm (and not in the monetarist sense!) - the past few years and past few days did something to his demeanour that changed it. He was no longer the same self-centred person, but he actually became concerned for others. However, just so no-one would be struck odd, he maintained some of his signature temper. He was one of those who wore his heart on his sleeve.

After a few moments, the click on the other line finally announced the moment that they were all waiting for. At that moment, Helga's future (and her family's, by extent) was coming down to a few moments.

"Hello," the voice on the other line said.

"Hey there, James!", Bob said, in a cheery voice, "It's me, Bob. How's life treating you?"

"Not bad, I suppose," James responded. "How about you?"

"I'm doing incredibly fine."

"Oh, man, isn't this exciting?" James gushed. "Our families practically marrying - the youngest daughter of the most prominent communications seller in Hillwood marrying an aspiring Senator... This is the greatest news that could ever happen! And to think we're getting married in a month..."

When Bob heard this, his expression hardened as if on cue. "About that...", he said.

James, upon hearing this, began to think terrible thoughts. Outwardly, he played it cool. "What's happened?", he asked.

Bob kept playing it cool. "I don't know how to tell you this... but... I want to put the wedding on hold."

At hearing this, James flew into a rage. "What?!"

"Listen to me, please," Bob said, still maintaining that cold-bloodedness about him. "We are not doing so well. Our finances have been very bad lately. We are having a bit of trouble maintaining ourselves. In the next few weeks, we'll be getting some transistors from Silicon Valley. Those transistors are our only chance of surviving. We've had a lot of people complaining about our cell phones and tablets. _If_ we had some money at the moment, we'd be able to get the wedding off, but we've already invested over $5,000 on it. I can't make it as lavish as you'd hoped. As soon as we start making some money, we will consider going forwards, but for the next month, we cannot consider a wedding. In 3 months we can try again, perhaps even _six_ months. Fair enough?"

James, however, was so angry. He hung up on Bob. Brainy was in slight shock, knowing full well that Bob had used a normal voice with a lot of _sangfroid_ that didn't betray his voice to _anything_ he knew that James was wanting to do. Arnold, however, knew that James wasn't convinced.

"Told you so..." he said, but without any sarcasm in his voice. Arnold had been proven right: James was not going to hear it.

Bob tried to call again. The attempt got through.

"What is it?!", James asked, still angry.

"Look," Bob said in the same cold-bloodedness, "I'm trying to be reasonable..."

"Shut your damn mouth, Pataki!", James snapped. "I know what's going on. You don't deem me worthy for your daughter, do you?"

"That's not what I'm-"

"Shut up while I'm talking!", James barked. "You think you're so higher than everybody else. Now you'll listen to me!"

"Now look here, James," Bob began, "what are you trying to imply? I'm telling you that we have financial troubles. It's not that I don't deem you worthy - I _do!_ But you have to understand that when someone is in financial dire straits, they cannot go forward with a lavish wedding. I mean, I _know_ that you have your heart set on a lavish wedding, but for the moment, it cannot be! My heart _aches_," he lied, "because I cannot even provide my own daughter with the lavish wedding she wanted, but once I get the money, your wedding _will_ be a reality!"

James laughed hard at hearing this.

"You're a horrible liar, Robert Pataki," he coldly said. "You have never given a fuck about your own daughter. Your true sentiments are finally coming out: you don't want me to marry your daughter at any cost. You're back to your usual blowhard personality."

"That... is a _lie_," Bob coldly said. Bob started to drop the act, as he realised that James, now livid, was going to move the wedding.

"Oh, I'm not lying at all," James smugly said. "I've seen your true colours. Well, guess what? Your attempts to screw me over failed. I'm _marrying_ your daughter, and I'm not gonna do it in _1_ month, or _3_, or even 6, and not even _next year_ - no, Big Bob, _I'm marrying her __tomorrow!_ And here's another thing: _not one of you_ will _go_ to the wedding!"

Bob was really angry.

"James, you little bastard, you try to marry my daughter," he threatened, "you will suffer _terrible_ consequences."

James scoffed. "Good luck trying to do that! And I can tell that Arnold is on the other line. Word of advice: throw yourself into a lake, if you've got any shame left in that body of yours. 'Die with honour, since you can't live with it.'"

Arnold was really angry. He indicated to Bob to pass him the phone.

"James, you're a fucking conniving rat," he hissed. "You want me to crawl on my knees to beg for my girlfriend? Well, I'm not giving you that pleasure! I love her, and I _will_ end up with her."

"Good luck with that," James said, ironically. He hung up again.

Arnold was very livid.

"I knew this would happen," he mused. "So much for your plan to cancel the wedding, huh, Brainy?", he asked, but not with malice. Brian, however, believing there was _some_ malice in his words, slapped him. Arnold returned a slap to his face - one much harder than the one Brian gave. Brian hung his head down. Arnold then turned to the Patakis.

"Bob... let's crash the wedding," he hissed.

They started to change their plans. The plan now was: _elopement with Helga._

"The only problem is where the wedding will be," Brian said. "James has probably found out that the wedding in the cathedral - what he was counting on - has been cancelled as well."

"He may try to go to a chapel, though, or even in another state," Arnold added.

"I hope it _isn't_ in another state," Brian said. "But regardless, there is the _only_ option to go through: get Helga _out_ of James' house. Failing that, the more harder option - search everywhere for where the wedding will be - will have to be done. But we only have till late afternoon tomorrow to accomplish that - not the most ideal of conditions. The nation, not just us, will be watching the final moves."

"What?"

"You didn't know? The wedding is to be transmitted on live TV."

"You're joking!"

"Nope. That's why it's in our best interests - and Helga's too - that the wedding must be stopped at all costs. I cannot stress this enough, Arnold: _win her back at __all__ costs! All!_"

Brian then sighed.

"I've got a lot of faith in you, really," he then spoke. "I'm a believer of taking the reasonable route, normally. But the situation is growing desperate, as you know, and our options are growing few. I don't like foisting it on you -"

"Hold on there, Brainy," Arnold interrupted. "_Nothing_ would give me pleasure than eloping with her. I've made it painfully clear. You may not like foisting this on me, but really, you're doing me a favour! I promise to rescue her - if I sound archaïc. I promise to bring her back to you. But only one thing: _please do not_ give me money. I'm doing it out of the kindness of my heart. True love cannot be paid for."

"Then take it," Bob said, slightly shocked, "for expenses! That jalopy - no offence, Arnold, really! - does 16 mpg, doesn't it? You'll need money for gas."

Arnold smiled. "That's a mistake you made," he said. "Back when my grandpa had it, he modified its carburetors and changed the motor. It can now do 30 mpg on average - and the speed is nothing to laugh at, either. It can do 102 mph - almost as fast as an Alfa Romeo."

"A car nut, huh?", Bob asked jokingly.

"And _proud of it!_", Arnold responded brightly. "So, you see, I _cannot_ accept your money, Bob - that's not the way to go. But since you insist so much on that, I'll take it." He then took the stack of $10s and put it in to his pocket.

"Now all we need," Arnold said, "is a contingency plan - a back-up plan, should I fail, which, of course, I hope not to do."

"Already ahead of you," Brian said. He then showed a photo of the person chosen to help Arnold out should he encounter an obstacle. He sneered slightly.

"Something wrong?", Bob asked.

"You really think Wolfgang would do this?", Arnold asked. "He's a bit busy, if memory serves. Isn't he supposed to be auditioning for a team?"

"At the moment, he's been temporarily sidetracked," Brian responded. "But he'll help us."

"If you say so," Arnold said, unconvinced.

"Don't worry about it," Brian said. "He won't do anything with an ulterior motive."

He then turned his attention to the others. "Is there anything else?", he asked. No-one made a move. Brian then stood up from his chair.

"Well, that about wraps this up," he said. "I expect things to go off without a hitch starting from tonight." He then proceeded to add, much like a commander does to his troops, "And remember this: James needs to be stopped before he can get away with what he's doing. So long as he is stopped, then the Pataki family will be prosperous and not doomed. Are you with me there, Arnold?"

Arnold scratched his head in thought, and then answered: "Oh, I _hope_ that they can be prosperous. As for me, I'm doomed - _completely_ doomed." He said this last thing with tremendous irony.

After this was said, all of them started to pick up their stuff. All four then exited the cabin.

Now outside the cabin, they were now stretching their limbs out as if in a game. Brian then went up to Arnold.

"Here's some of what I saved: $200," he said, giving the money to Arnold as well. "Good luck." They shook each other's hands.

Bob then went up to him.

"Goodbye, Arnold," he said, and they both shook hands as well. Then they gave congratulatory pats on the back.

Miriam then came up to him. She kissed him on the forehead, then she touched his cheek.

"Be careful, OK?", she said.

After these gestures, all three went back to their respective cars and left the area of Lake Champlain, and then from Arnold's sight.

Arnold was now the only person left, exactly as he started his day.

"To think I was going to commit suicide in this lake today!", he said to himself. "Push those thoughts out of your head, Arnold Shortman. Be positive from here on in. Your biggest mission is here. Lord, grant me strength!"

He then picked up the rope he was planning on using to kill himself with, and put it back in the back seat of the Packard. He then went back inside the cabin. Now sitting in the cabin all alone, Arnold had one last call to do. He went to the phone and dialed his home phone number. After bantering a little bit with his grandmother, he asked to talk to Phil... for the last and final time.

"Shortman, please," Phil begged. "You don't know what you're getting yourself into! I im-"

"Shut it!", Arnold snapped back.

The angry response shocked Phil. His own grandson doing this to him? Why?

"What did I do wrong?", he lamented. "I raised you to know right from wrong-"

"Like hell you did," Arnold responded. "All you ever gave was crappy advice. I had to fend for myself, really - the _only_ person who truly taught me how to be functional was Grandma, in spite of her constant slight madness. Your words and your actions nearly _drove me_ to _commit suicide_ in the north. If it weren't for you, I'd still be with Helga, and James would be a thing of the past. Yet you chose to side with _him?!_ You're my goddamned _grandfather! _Not _his!_ You're supposed to stick to your flesh and blood, not to a _stranger!_"

"I had my reasons!"

"And I'm sure those reasons were that you didn't want to mess with anyone powerful, am I right?"

A deathly silence hung over the two.

"I looked up to you," Arnold said, angrily. "What you did was stick the knife in my back. I'm through trying to reason with you."

Phil was horrified. "Arnold, please, don't do this! I still care about you!"

"I sometimes wonder whether you really cared," Arnold said coldly. "I don't ever want to see your face again. You're a broken pedestal to me now. I don't wanna _hear_ from you. I might not be able to be so ruthless as to get you out on the street, but I can _avoid_ you for as long as I can. I don't ever want to talk with you again ever in my life."

Another deathly silence hung over the two.

"I'm sorry," Phil said. "I really am. I know you loved her, and I thought I was doing good. Please forgive me!"

That impassioned plea, which might have moved Arnold as a young boy, did nothing to move Arnold now.

"Not good enough," he responded. He then hung up on Phil once and for all. On the other side of the line, Phil was crying. He did not foresee that this would happen between him and his grandson. He thought the did the right thing, but James had blinded him. Deep down inside, he kicked himself for having told Arnold to end the affair, and he regretted that deeply. But it was too late.

After Arnold hung up, the phone rang again. He thought it would be Phil with his useless and vain attempts to gain forgiveness, so he decided to pick up the phone, and he was ready to lash out at Phil again.

"Hello?! What the fuck do _you_ want, again?!"

But instead of Phil, the voice was of a woman.

"That's no way to treat a girl, Arnold Shortman!"

The voice was instantly familiar.

"Candy!", Arnold gasped. "Where were you?! I've been trying to get in touch with you for days! I want to explain myself."

"No need," Candy responded. "It's Helga Pataki, isn't it?"

Arnold was floored. "How did you know?", he asked, amazed that Candy knew.

"A little birdie told me," she replied.

Arnold's expression then hardened. "_Which_ birdie, pray tell?", he asked, feeling that his own grandfather stuck an oar in the situation.

Candy, however, was more amused. "I'm not telling!", she replied.

This did not quell Arnold's temper. "I just had a fight with my grandfather," he responded. "If he told you about this, he must have given a distorted version of the truth -"

"No, it wasn't your grandfather who told me," she replied. "It was someone else. After I heard who Helga was engaged to marry, I did my own research, independent of a certain tape that's circling round. I found something disturbing - you _do_ know that before our 'friend' was engaged, he-"

"Was dating Helga's sister," he finished. "What are you getting at?"

"Doesn't that seem weird to you?", she asked. "Combine that with the tape, and you'll figure out what's going on."

Arnold started to think. And then, he came upon a disturbing motive - one he had never thought capable.

"Revenge?!"

"Yep, you got it," Candy said. "It seems our dear 'friend' couldn't cope with the loss, so he decided to take revenge on Helga's family. In short: Olga dates James, she dumps him, James concocts a plan to get revenge, he starts dating Helga, then plans to drain the family by using her as the means to an end."

"My God!", Arnold exclaimed. "Why didn't I think of that before? The pieces fit."

"Yep, the pieces fit," Candy said. "But enough about that. You've got a mission to do, mister! My word of advice: _do not_ come back to Hillwood until you bring Helga back!"

Arnold was amazed. "Now _you?_", he asked.

"Yep. When I heard that you were planning on committing suicide up in Adirondack Park, my rage towards you for dumping me changed. What the fuck are you thinking, going to commit suicide?! Don't you know that there are people who care for you?"

"Yeah, I know - before I took the plunge to the lake, I realised that there are several people who want me to stay and put up a better fight. So I threw the stone into the lake, without the rope in it. I couldn't go through with it."

"I actually calmed down after I heard what happened with that girl. Now that I know, I'm actually quite calm. That girl deserves someone good, like you, to be with for the rest of your lives. But you should probably go - time's running out!"

"Yeah, thanks for the advice."

"Arnold... good luck!"

"Thanks!"

And they both hung up. Arnold then got up, and picked up all his stuff. He then closed the cabin for the last time. As soon as he was outside, he prayed.

"Lord in Heaven," he started, "give me the bravery I need, though I already have lots of it. Do not let James get away with what he's doing. Keep me in Your Grace, and Bless what I'm about to do."

After that, he got into the Packard and left the place for good. He vowed never to come back here again, unless it was a vacation.

* * *

Arnold was speeding through I-87 and 287 through the night. Luckily, since the speed limit was finally removed (and through great expense, too!), no policemen managed to catch him speeding, but still he drove safely, as he was very attentive. It was nightfall, but he didn't care, and he couldn't rest. He had only _one_ mission on his mind: get Helga out of the house, and stop James from marrying her.

It was already 'round 3:00 AM when he finally made it to Long Island. The Packard stopped at James' house. Arnold got out as quick as he could, but he also had to approach quietly. He couldn't risk James spotting him and stop him and Helga from leaving.

He climbed over the fence, and then he snuck across the lawn and peered across the living room. He decide to try opening the slide-in door to James' house. He managed up the flight of steps up to their room. _This was it!_, Arnold thought. _I can do this! I can get Helga out of here!_ He briskly but quietly walked up to the door and opened it.

"Helga?", he asked, hoping that she was still there. However, if he thought Helga was still there, he was sadly mistaken. Edward was there, packing the last of her stuff for the honeymoon.

"Hello, Arnold," he said nonchalantly as he walked past him with more of Helga's stuff. He went into James' room. Arnold followed him there.

As he was doing so, Edward put the stack down on a suitcase which was on the bed, and went to pick up the phone, and dialed 911. "Where is she?", Arnold asked. But Edward was not listening to him.

"Hello. Get me the police, please," Edward spoke into the receiver.

Arnold was still pacing around. Surely Edward knew where Helga was? He decided to ask Edward.

"Where is Helga?!", Arnold asked.

Edward looked up at him for just a few seconds. "I'll be with you in a moment, Arnold," he said, then he turned back to the phone. "Do you have a patrol car in the vicinity of 1154 World Street? Good. We have a burglar here. Just a second. I'll ask him." He lowered the phone and turned to Arnold again. "Are you armed?", he asked.

Arnold stared dumbfounded. Did this mean that Edward wouldn't help him?

Edward, meanwhile returned to the phone. "No, I don't believe he is. Thank you."

He hung up the phone. He was moving back into the closet. He was getting some more of James' stuff. Arnold was losing his cool.

"What have you done to her?!", he demanded.

Edward kept walking past him.

"I think we have everything quite under control now, Arnold," Edward said, still in his nonchalant voice. He added, in an ironic tone of voice, "Would you like a quick drink before you go?"

Arnold was now getting really emotional, and he was also getting upset. He was beginning to realise, but did not yet fully comprehend, that James, Edward, and George might have had a trap set for him.

"You can't stop me from seeing her, Edward," Arnold said, his temper beginning to boil. "I love her."

Edward still didn't face Arnold when he spoke. He was gathering more of James' stuff to put in the suitcase.

"I'm sorry we won't be able to invite you to the wedding, Arnold," Edward said in an ironic tone of voice, which rang really false, "but the arrangements have been so rushed."

Almost as soon as Edward put his brother's stuff in the suitcase, Arnold lost his patience, and walked up to the bed.

"What the hell have you done to her?!", Arnold demanded, overturning the suitcase and its contents.

Almost as soon as he did that, Arnold and Edward heard the cars coming in, and a familiar tone of sirens. Edward had really called the police.

"Aww," Edward pouted sarcastically, "I don't think you'll have time for that drink after all."

All of a sudden, it hit Arnold. The tone of voice Edward had while talking to him; the phone call Edward was placing, claiming a burglar was in the house... Arnold suddenly put two and two together. Edward had no interest in helping him save Helga; in fact, James actually was plotting with Edward and George to actually _frame_ him for robbery! It was the oldest trick in the book! The situation was looking like _Titanic_ and _The Graduate_. On one hand, Arnold was in shock with this sudden revelation. On the other hand, though, Arnold wasn't the least bit surprised, and he was pretty angry inside. _After all, Brighton-Lewises _always_ stick to their own kind,_ Arnold thought, bitterly. _The Good Ole' Boys shit. It makes me sick._ Arnold realised that if he stayed one more minute, James and Edward would most definitely win. Arnold was _not_ about to let them have that victory. He was _not!_

"I'll find her!", Arnold said, rushing out immediately before anything else developed out of the situation. Almost as soon as Arnold was gone, Edward, still so sure of himself, decided to throw one last parting shot at Arnold.

"I don't _think_ so," he said, with a lot of venom in his voice.

By luck, Arnold had managed to avoid the police on his way out. He started the race against the clock. First he turned the whole of Hillwood upside down, but he couldn't find Helga or James. With one last ditch effort, by morning, he went into James' millionaires' club. He couldn't find anyone in the reception office, which made his job easier. He found the members of the club at the mess hall. One of them even had brought their dog to eat with them.

"Say, fellas!", Arnold called out. At that, they stopped eating and looked turned towards him. "Do any of you fellas know where I can find James Brighton-Lewis?"

"He took off in the middle of the night, to get married," one of the club members spoke. He then went back to eat his breakfast.

"Probably one step ahead of the shotgun!", another joked. They all laughed at this. Arnold himself slightly chuckled.

"Do you happen to know where he's getting married?", Arnold said, still chuckling. "I'm supposed to be there."

One of the club members responded, "Why don't you ask Carter?"

Arnold's curiosity peaked. "Would you happen to know where I might find _him?_", he asked.

"He's probably still in the sack," another club member responded, adding, "He's always in the sack."

"Or in the can!", another club member added.

Following this, everyone laughed, while Arnold just gave a polite smile before he left.

A few moments later, he was in the club's bathroom.

"Hey, Carter!", one of the club members yelled. "Where's the Make-Out King getting married?"

"Washington, D.C.", Carter responded from the shower.

_Washington, D.C.!_, Arnold thought. _Why didn't I think of it before? I forgot he worked mostly over there!_ He then spoke, "You wouldn't happen to know exactly _where_ the Ol' Make-Out King is going to get married, do you? I'm supposed to be there."

"Where in Washington?", the club member who spoke to Carter asked.

"I dunno," Carter replied. "Probably at his old man's house, or in the maternity ward!"

The club members all laughed at that. Another club member turned to Arnold.

"Hey, you going to the wedding?", he asked.

"Yeah," Arnold responded.

"Hey," the club member said, "tell him to save a piece for me..."

The club members all erupted into laughter at hearing this. Arnold was clearly showing disgust. The club member who made the joke had to explain. "... of the wedding cake!"

They erupted into laughter again. Arnold left, very disgusted with the joke. _If any of these guys had a love they had to fight for, _he thought, referring to Helga, as he was leaving, _they wouldn't be joking around like they are now._ He got into the Packard once again and drove off.

Arnold kept driving down the road. He couldn't stop for anything, knowing fully well that if one stop was even made, it would spell disaster for him. He kept right on going to Washington, making the 4 hour drive in perfect timing. James and Helga were getting married in the afternoon.

The Packard drove into a gas station. This gas station, a Total, was pretty well kept. Arnold headed in and saw a gas station attendant. He was reading a stock car magazine. Arnold went over to where the attendant was.

"Can I use your phone?", Arnold asked, almost out of breath.

"Yeah," the attendant pointed to one on a wall.

Arnold went over there immediately. He found a phone book guide and first flipped it to the L's, without success. Then he flipped it to the B's (for Brighton-Lewis), and found the phone number. He then inserted a quarter into the payphone and dialed the number. The phone took a few seconds to dial. Arnold, in desperation, slammed his hand into the side of the phone booth. _Please hurry_, Arnold thought, _or my world will be over..._ Just at that point, the line on the other side finally picked up.

"657-2306," a female voice spoke.

"Hello? Who is this?"

"This is Senator Brighton-Lewis' answering service." _Which means_, Arnold thought, _she's an office clerk._

"Is the Senator anywhere?", he asked.

"I'm afraid the Senator can't be reached right now," the clerk answered. "If you'd like to leave-"

"I have to know where he is!", he insisted, cutting in.

"Well, you see," the clerk said, "the Senator is at his son's wedding, but I'm sure it's over by now. He should be checking in at any moment."

Desperation grabbed ahold of Arnold, and he had to come up with a really convincing lie. He came up with one right on the spot.

"Listen to me," Arnold said. "I am Mr. Brighton-Lewis' uncle, Reverend Brighton-Lewis, and I'm supposed to perform the ceremony. I just got in from Cape Cod and I've forgotten what church, you see?" _Nice going, Shortman!_, Arnold thought. _Now she _won't_ give you the address!_ Arnold didn't know what made him say that lie, but if it helped him know where James and Helga were getting married, he had to do so. Now, his prospects with that lie were slim.

"Oh. Well, I'm not sure," the clerk said, "but you might try Embassy. That's on Massachusetts Avenue."

_She bought it! Way to go, Arnold!_, Arnold thought, now jubilated. "Thank you!", he said, really fast, hanging up before James' clerk could say anything else. He turned to the gas station attendant.

"Massachusetts Avenue - where is it?!", Arnold asked, almost out of breath. The gas station was very suspicious, but he decided to help him.

"Massachusetts... that's, uh...", he stammered for a few seconds. Arnold slammed the desk in desperation. "It's, uh... uh..." The attendant finally got himself composed again. He finally answered, "It's, uh, 6 blocks down, and, uh... 3 over." Arnold thanked him and ran back to the car. He had no time to waste. However, the gas station attendant knew that Arnold, clergy or not (and Arnold Shortman was _not!_), must need gas, regardless of whether or not he had to get there.

"You need any gas, Father?", the attendant asked as Arnold was getting into the car.

"I'm not a priest," Arnold said, still lying, "I'm a minister." There was _some _truth in Arnold's words. Arnold Shortman _wasn't_ even a real priest - he was just an ordinary college student, trying to get the love of his life back.

Arnold quickly sped off. He managed to make 3 blocks down 38th Street. However, by the time he reached the 4th, the Packard was starting to slow down. It was beginning to be apparent that the gas problem - something Arnold didn't consider on the way to the wedding - was coming back to haunt him. The car stopped dead without gasoline at the 5th. Arnold tried hard to start the Packard, but it was a no-go situation. Arnold realised there was only one thing to do. He had to walk the remainder of the blocks until he found the church - the only choice he had left. If the Packard had to be sacrificed - until after the wedding, of course - just so Helga can escape with him, then that's the way it had to be. So be it. With this rationale, Arnold turned on the hazard light on, indicating to any cars to avoid the Packard on the road. He started to walk to the church.

He kept running the rest of the way. Arnold had another advantage in that regard; he may not have been as politically inclined as James (James was an aspiring Conservative Republican Senator, while Arnold was a Christian anarchist), but he did make political statements himself: he was a marathon runner for all of the Cure for Cancer relay runs. He had more strength in his little finger than James had in his body; Arnold had trained for those marathons by becoming a star track runner in high school and college. He called upon these skills he gained to help him get to the church in time before it was too late. Not only were Helga's parents waiting for the outcome, but, he knew, the whole country as well. _This would be a statement of the highest order, stopping the wedding_, he thought.

After a few minutes, he was running down the street. Suddenly, he saw a familiar shape in view. It was 3855 - Embassy Church! He made it! He ran to the front doors of the church, only to find them locked. He went around the sides of the building, and he managed to find a side door, which was unlocked. He went into the church, not knowing the layout. He did find some stairs, which he hoped would lead him to somewhere near the altar. He wasn't entirely wrong - they led him to a balcony. He only hoped that it wouldn't be too late. But his heart sunk at what he saw.

The Minister was closing the book! He was too late! Helga and James were married, and were kissing. All of Arnold's work was for naught!

"Oh, Jesus, God!", Arnold said, as if the wind was knocked out of him. "No!"

The organist then started to play the _Wedding March_. Arnold was heartbroken. He had failed Helga's parents, he failed his friends, and most of all, he failed both Helga and himself. The love of his life has now gone completely to someone else. He started to cry. Just as soon as he was crying, however, he remembered something that Helga's parents told him. "Win her back, at all costs!", they'd told him. Maybe he couldn't have stopped the wedding ceremony, but he _could_ attempt to do something uncharacteristic for him. Was he going to sit there and wallow in his misery, and allow James to get away with it?

No, he would _not!_

He stopped crying and decided to pull a last resort.

"Helga!", he shouted while pounding on the plexiglas windows. "Helga! Helga! Helga!"

Arnold's screams startled everyone: relatives of Helga (in lieu of her parents not appearing/being kicked out); James' relatives, including Edward; and James and Helga herself. She turned around to see Arnold pounding on the windows and screaming Helga's name incessantly. They all did.

"Who is this guy?", James asked, not recognising who it was at first. "What's he doing?!"

James' father was really angered at the boy who was screaming, interrupting what was his son and his now-daughter-in-law's happiest day together. "I'll take care of him!", he said. Just as he was getting up, however, Edward was pulling his father back to his seat.

"He's too late," Edward smugly said.

Arnold kept right on shouting Helga's name and kept pounding on the windows. Helga started walking towards Arnold, in spite of the floor difference separating the both of them. She was being flanked by Edward, James, and their father. The latter gave instructions, hoping to stop Arnold from taking Helga with him.

"Get everybody," he said, "We gotta stop him!"

Helga, however, was not listening at all. She kept walking towards Arnold's figure in the balcony. James was trying to talk to her, but she wasn't listening. All she could keep hearing was Arnold shouting out her name. She then stopped and turned to see Edward and his father shouting at Arnold in anger. James grabbed her arm and was ordering her to do something, what it was she didn't understand.

Suddenly, it hit her. If she stayed married with James, she would end up being a trophy wife, and nothing more. She then, for a brief second, remembered the fun times she and Arnold had, ever since they were 3 years old. She really _loved_ him. She remembered all the times they had: FTi, their first date... she realised that she had done wrong. And so she dared - yes, she _dared!_ - to actually return this "display" of affection (albeit awkward and inpromptu). She took one breath and screamed...

"_Arnold!_"

She loved him again. She shouted it on the altar, on the rooftops, everywhere. She shouted it with as much, if not more, passion as Arnold gave when he shouted her name on the balcony.

Back on the balcony, Arnold was in shock and amazement, and was extremely happy to see his affections finally returned. He quickly ran down the stairs to the altar, and he would have made it too, were it not for James' father blocking the door and his path. He was extremely angry at Arnold for doing this to him - _him_, a former senator and pillar of the community! He was going to make Arnold _pay_ for this!

"You punk!", he growled. "You crazy punk!"

Arnold tried to go around him by vaulting the railing, but he was quickly caught by him.

"I'll kill you," he muttered. He attempted to strangle Arnold, then, because Arnold managed to escape his chokehold, attempted to hold down Arnold by a headlock, which nearly took everything out of Arnold. Fortunately, however, James' father did not count with a wall that happened to be right behind them where they were. Arnold, with a lot of might, pushed him right to the wall, and managed to free himself, and hit him with an elbow blow to his solar plexus.

The guests gasped in horror at seeing the events unfolding. Almost as quickly, Arnold rushed in and headbutted George. George fell down hard on his rear end, and couldn't get up quickly. Arnold took out his hand to Helga and she took it. James, however, was not about to let Arnold get away with his wife - or who he _thought_ was his wife. He, followed by Edward, grabbed her by the arm, trying to take her from Arnold's arms.

"Helga, it's too late!", James yelled.

She, however, was really angry. The spell had been broken. Who did James think he was - trying to order her around? The old Helga was back, and with a vengeance. Her eyes were once again their angry selves. After James telling her that it was too late, Helga quickly spoke, in a far more rougher voice.

"_Not for me, bucko!_"

Arnold couldn't suppress a chuckle after hearing this. James' reaction, however, was far more different. He started to slap her.

"You insufferable wench!", he shouted. Unfortunately for him, Arnold saw him hitting her. Arnold always took exception to people hitting women. He quickly grabbed James by his coat.

"Leave her alone!", he shouted back, and he hit James in the face. Arnold then got a cross from the door, and started swinging it towards the guests. Helga had to get behind Arnold so that James wouldn't grab her again, and also not to get thrown into the melee.

"Move!" he shouted. "Move!"

The guests were in shock at seeing this. Some of them were really angry at Arnold because of this. One of these was James. He shouted a "Damn you!" which, although it was almost drowned out by the commotion of the other guests, was still discernible. Arnold kept swinging the cross and ordered everyone to move back. After everyone had done so, Arnold and Helga opened the doors, and quickly closed them before the others could get out. In a flash of quick inspired thinking, Arnold placed the cross in between the door handles, preventing anyone to get at the two. They then kept running out.

They kept running out to the yard, and then the front gates, not stopping for anything. They stopped only to catch a bus that happened to come through there, and they both got on quickly. Arnold shoved a $10 bill on the fee collector (he didn't have a particular bus card for Washington DC). They then went to the back of the bus and sat there fast. Both of them were still laughing in euphoria over the events that just transpired. Most of the people on board the bus were looking at the two of them in disbelief. They, however, were still very euphoric. However, their faces started to gradually change from jubilation to lukewarm to complete uncertainty. The realisation set in about what they were doing.

"So...", Helga started.

"So..."

"So, what now?", Helga asked. "I don't like to burst your bubble, Arnoldo, but you _do_ realise that now we'll be hunted down by James and his family? These guys don't forgive and forget."

"I'm actually quite aware of that", Arnold responded. "You think I wouldn't make this trip if I didn't think that through?"

"I didn't _ask_ you to make the trip," she responded. Arnold gave her a glare. "What? It's true."

"Did you know that after you'd left me, I was gonna commit suicide?", Arnold asked.

"Criminy, where'd you get an idea like that?"

"I loved you."

Helga was slightly dumbfounded.

"Well, still _do_," Arnold corrected himself. "I love you. But when you left with James, I lost the will to live, so I decided to take a leap up in Lake Champlain as a favour to everyone. It took me your parents and Brainy, as well as thoughts of Grandma and Phoebe and my parents to dissuade me. But I was still in a rough spot -"

"I need to correct myself," Helga interrupted. "I might not have _asked_ you, but I'd have loved to see you do the trip. I guess I sent a karmic call for help and it got through," she giggled.

"Well, I was still in a rough spot," Arnold continued. "I hated myself, everything, the whole world. Your parents convinced me to go the extra mile. Want to know what ended up doing it? I had an argument with my grandfather, and my now-ex-girlfriend gave me the blessing to go here... all that for a girl I still love. So I forgive you... but do you forgive me?"

"Nothing to forgive."

They then hugged. After the few moments of bliss each other shared, Arnold realised something. "Oh, shit!", he cursed. "I forgot!"

Helga looked at him quizzically. "What is it?"

"The Packard!", he responded. "I had to leave it back at 38th. We need to get gas for it... the _only_ thing I did _not_ think through. We have to go back!"

Helga nodded in understanding. "Gotcha," she said. "But listen, we can't risk the chance of going back down Massachusetts Avenue and bumping into any Brighton-Lewises we might find."

Arnold understood. "I know. I was kinda hoping that's where you would come in," he said.

"I thought you'd never ask me that, yutz," she said, in fake-sarcasm. Then she got serious again. "I've been in this town several times. I know it like the back of my palm. All we need to do is know where this bus is going. But first..."

"Yeah?"

"There's something I need you to do for me, hair boy."

Arnold looked at her. "What is it?", he asked.

She took a deep breath.

"Shorten the hem of my dress - to my knees."

With these words, Arnold knelt down and got the long hem of her dress, and ripped it up to knee level. This would make it easier for Helga to walk. She walked over to the bus driver.

"Sir, where is this bus going?"

"Down to 34th Street."

Helga thanked him, and, as soon as the bus stopped at the 34th Street bus stop, they got up. The bus driver then did something unexpected: he slipped Arnold's $10 bill back in his pocket. Arnold looked at him in shock.

"You'll need this more than this bus will," the bus driver said.

Arnold was still in shock. "T-Thank you," he stammered.

"Don't mention it," the bus driver said. "Now get going, the both of you."

Arnold, ever the polite boy, shook his hand, and both he and Helga got off. No-one else came out of the bus. The bus then closed its doors and left once again to another destination. The two then started to walk all the way to 38th Street. The route, as Helga drew it out was to go up 34th Street, then across Woodley Road, then down 38th Street, where the Packard was at. The walk started out uneventful. And then...

"I'm sorry," she spoke, after a few moments of silence. This caught Arnold by surprise.

"Sorry for what?"

"For leaving you like I did," Helga responded. "I had no right whatsoever to do that. I'm sorry!"

"Hey, don't worry about it," Arnold responded. "It's no big deal."

"Yes, it _is_ a big deal," she shot back. "If I hadn't done what I did, you wouldn't have gone off and done what you did. I don't deserve your forgiveness, really I don't!"

She was starting to cry heavily. Arnold couldn't stand to see anyone cry, least of all her. He got in front of her and shook her.

"Don't say that!", he cried out. "I don't want to hear you say you don't deserve forgiveness. You're a Pataki, aren't you? Get yourself together! Please. I don't wanna see you cry..."

He then hugged her. After a few moments, they let go of their embrace. Helga then chuckled.

"You're very cheesy at this stuff, Arnoldo," she said, teasingly. "But I'm all right now. I won't cry about this anymore. You can count on me."

This cheered Arnold up. The two continued to walk to 38th Street in good spirits.

"So, Football Head," Helga started, "what other tricks have you come up with?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?", Arnold retorted.

They laughed as they kept walking.

* * *

Back at Hillwood, there was a celebration going on. Many of Arnold's (and Helga's) friends were celebrating - not the wedding, but their elopement. Helga's old house was filled with joy. After Arnold had gone off to search for her, her parents took the trip back home and were glued to the TV. For some odd reason, James had wanted the wedding to be broadcast on live TV, as if he were Prince Charles and Helga was Diana Spencer. His dream was turned into a nightmare the moment Arnold appeared and snatched her back. _And all on live television_.

At first, when Helga and James said their "I do's", Helga's parents were at first in horror, like Arnold; however, when they heard Arnold screaming "Helga!" incessantly, followed by Helga's scream of "Arnold!", they knew right away that the die was cast. Helga _would not_ spend one day consummating her relationship with James _at all_. Worse: not only was James left without a wife, he was left without the ability to take from the Pataki piggy bank! The _ultimate_ humiliation. This actually pleased everyone concerned.

"Now all that's left," Bob said, "is for them to link up with the contingency plan."

* * *

Back at Washington D.C. After 30 minutes of walking, Arnold and Helga made it to the Packard. It was still untouched from when Arnold left it.

"Well, Arnold?" Helga asked. "Have you got any bright ideas?"

"The only one," Arnold responded, "we need to push the car to the nearest gas station, or call a tow truck, but considering how James practically has run things, I guess we don't have any options but to stay here." He sighed. "I really wished I'd seen this through."

Helga sat down beside him. "You _did_ see it through, though," she said. "You managed to get your act together and got me out of a situation I was not in control of."

A few moments passed by, and then they heard a sound of a truck, followed by a honk. A figure who was in the truck spoke.

"I thought you guys might need help."

They looked up and recognised the figure. Wolfgang had somehow come through. They were quite surprised at seeing him.

"What are you doing here?", Arnold asked, surprised.

"Rescuing you guys, of course," Wolfgang retorted. "Also, I have family here. Make no mistake, football face: D.C. isn't all politics here all the time. There _are_ people beyond the marble steps. But enough about that," he said. "I came to bring you gasoline." He pointed at 20 portable gallon packs that he carried at the back of his pickup truck. He unloaded all of them, and put them on the ground. "You guys will need these to go back home. You can't trust anyone in this place right now."

"Why do you say that?", Helga asked incredulously.

"Why?", Wolfgang repeated. "You haven't heard the news? That James Brighton-Lewis scumbag is out for blood, specifically both of yours. Take a look."

Thus saying, he took out his 4G cellphone with internet connection, and showed Arnold and Helga what he was referring to. Somehow, Wolfgang managed to snag a CNN feed. However, this was moot. Who should appear on CNN, but one certain James Brighton-Lewis? He was royally pissed at Arnold and Helga for eloping.

"I believe I should say this," James said, sure of himself. "I contacted the FBI, and both of them shall not make it out of D.C. without a fight. And to Arnold Shortman, who I know will be watching this, I have a message for you: give me back my wife. You had your chances with Helga, and you _blew_ them. She doesn't want to be with you; she wants me. If you don't bring her back this instant, I will assure you that I will make your life a living hell. You'll regret doing this. I can have you arrested for kidnapping, and you won't be able to leave prison for the rest of your life. However, if you bring my wife back, I could drop the charges, and your precious family doesn't have to suffer, or what's left of it anyway. Things will be so much easier if you just bring her back this instant. And Helga, darling, don't worry your pretty little head. I'll have you back and we'll forget this nasty little incident. Be safe!"

At this, Helga scoffed.

"Criminy, he _really_ thinks I'm going back to him," she said. "What a conceited prick!"

"I couldn't agree more," Arnold agreed. "I usually would try to do a good deed, but this is not a good deed he's asking. He's trying to bankrupt a family and leave them in the gutter. _No way_ will I let him do that."

"What do you mean?", Wolfgang asked incredulously.

Arnold took Wolfgang aside, far from Helga's earshot.

"I dunno if you know this," Arnold said, "but there's something heavy going on. James has been trying not only to sink Helga's family, but it also turns out to be motivated by revenge. Him and Olga had problems during their relationship, and he's grown obsessed with the breakup. The idea to put the family in the red came from these feelings of vengeance that had grown in him. He wanted to use Helga as the means to sink her family."

"Damn, that's shitty," Wolfgang replied.

The two walked back to the Packard.

"But that still doesn't answer one question," Arnold said. "How'd you know we were here, specifically?"

Wolfgang chuckled. "Well," he said, still chuckling, "I'd say you'd better check your glove compartment."

Arnold was dumbfounded. "What about my glove compartment?", he asked.

"C'mere, I'll show you," Wolfgang replied. Him and Arnold went to the side of the Packard, whereupon Wolfgang opened the glove compartment, and lo and behold, a cell phone, property of Bob Pataki's store, was very prominent. It had been set, probably by Bob or Brian, into a GPS-Tracer mode. Arnold realised at once what it was.

"Just in case I ran out of gas!", he gasped.

Helga then went up and saw her father's handiwork. She, too, was amazed at this.

"Way to go, Bob!" she said.

Arnold then took Wolfgang aside again, and moved out of the way of Helga's earshot.

"So, _how_ much _do you _know about what's happened?", Arnold asked, slightly irritated at this.

"The truth?", Wolfgang asked rhetorically. "OK, Bob told me _everything_, as did that Brainy dude, but the revenge bit, I didn't know - I'm learning it from you just now. But seriously," he raised his voice, "you guys _need_ to get that gasoline into that tank. You can have my cell-phone as well, courtesy of Big Bob as well, and I'll just take the one you guys have back to him."

"OK," Arnold responded.

"What about you?", Helga asked. "What'll you do?"

"Oh, what I've always done," Wolfgang responded, "fight my way out of this, which I _will_ do."

They then shook his hand, and then he left. Arnold and Helga were then left to fill the Packard's gas tank.

"You know," Arnold started, as he was loading the first gallon, "I rather like him now. Wish there were more like him. I dunno what changes happened to him, but he's become trustworthy."

"Yeah," Helga responded. "In spite of that size of his...", she added, chuckling.

After they got all the gallons in the tank, they finally started to move. But they went into a motel, where luckily, they hadn't been recognised.

* * *

Back at the church, some moments after Arnold and Helga escaped, James was angered.

_That lousy tramp!_, James thought, referring to Helga. _How dare she run away like that?! If she wants her good-for-nothing perverted lover of hers, fine, she can have him. I didn't want to have to do this... but I think I will. Arnold, you will _pay _for this!_

He then picked up the phone and put a phone call in.

"Hello, is this the FBI, please?," James asked. "Yeah, this is Junior-Senator James Brighton-Lewis, calling from Embassy Church. (...) How do you _think_ I'm doing? That little bastard Arnold Shortman ran away with my wife! (...) He came in unannounced, and took my wife without any warning, like a thief! (...) I want a _manhunt_ underway! (...) The guy is dangerous, and will most definitely put up a fight should he try to get out of D.C. (...) Thanks! I'll hear from _you_ later!"

He hung up the phone. Then he gave the interview to CNN. A few moments in, some FBI officers came in... with someone in their haul.

Unfortunately for him, Wolfgang was caught _in flagrante delicto_ while he was on his way to his family's house. The FBI then brought him not to their office, but to James' locale. James ordered them to release them.

"Now, then," James started, "Name your price, and I _will_ let you go, and you can help me catch those 2 no-good traitors. I mean... they've probably run away to somewhere else by now. They don't care about you. All they care about is how to make themselves look good. What do you say?"

Wolfgang chuckled in irony.

"Really?", he asked.

James was still smiling. But his smile would leave his face when he heard what came next.

"You really think I'm going to sell Arnold out, you fuck?", Wolfgang asked rhetorically. "The money sounds nice, though... but I'm not concerned with making money anymore. You see, I _know_ what you intend to do to Helga's father. In another age, I would have done so if I was still an asshole. But times have changed, dude. You can't just take revenge 'cause a girl's sister dumped you. You're pretty low, dude. I wouldn't even do what you're planning on doing to them. You're sick, James Brighton-Lewis. And you know it."

James got angry.

"Now listen here," he hissed. "You don't know who you're fucking with, do you? I can make your life a living hell if you don't help me."

"Save it," Wolfgang said. "I don't care. You can give me the death sentence for all I care - but I'm not selling out my friends, not no-way, not no-how, as the saying goes. You might have turned Phil and Gerald's heads, but you won't turn anyone else's. As for that 'they don't care about you' shit: that may be, but I told them to not look back. If they look back, they'll face defeat. And making themselves look good... look in the mirror, pal. You're doing the same thing, just that you like to hide behind that disguise of a senator. You're not a senator, motherfucker - you're just a fucking _thug._"

James ordered them to take him away. As they left, James sat deep in thought.

Am _I a thug?_, he asked. _Am I _really _just using my clout just because she left me? _He then shook those thoughts out of his head. _No, of course not! After all, people like this moron just like to blow hot air. Helga _will_ be mine, her family _will_ suffer for their oldest daughter's mistakes, and Arnold is going to _spend the rest of his natural life _in jail. It's never been so clear to me._

However, nothing could prepare him for the move that would happen next.

* * *

Back at Hillwood, Helga's parents were listening to the news as it was unfolding. The CNN broadcast changed from "Arnold Shortman has just kidnapped Helga G.P. Brighton-Lewis" to "Manhunt underway for Arnold Shortman." The news was getting ridiculous.

_If the newscasters knew _why_ Helga had to run away with him_, Miriam thought, ruefully, _they wouldn't be so rash as to judge Arnold like that._

As the newscasters kept blaring their opinions, Bob was starting to think of the best way to stop the ridiculous charges that James was about to impose on his newfound acquaintance.

_Really, James?_, he thought. _You really want to do this? Didn't you know that messing with me is like messing with a cobra? Well, two can play at that game._

He stood up and excused himself. As he was doing so, James appeared yet again. Many of Arnold's and Helga's friends were booing him out, thus drowning out whatever James had to say.

_I never liked the guy anyway,_ Phoebe thought, as she was booing. _Helga, I hope you and Arnold are happy. Come back already!_

In the meanwhile, Bob headed upstairs to make a call to someone he had never expected to use, as he'd never used them in years. Unbeknownst to James or _any_ of the Brightons-Lewises, Bob Pataki had a FBI contact - not just as a means to keep his family safe, but also to help out on things. He wasn't exactly the most influential man in Hillwood (he'd much rather let the mayor do her job), but he used to be a agent-in-training for the FBI, until he decided to step down and get married. He never thought his FBI connections would work here, but with James spouting off at the mouth, desperate times called for desperate and ruthless measures.

And so, with this mentality in mind, Bob called Thierry Rune Sabinsky, an old friend of Bob's during his stay at the FBI.

"Thierry!", Bob greeted. "It's me, Robert Pataki! You remember me?"

"Ah, yes, I remember you!", Thierry responded. "How's life treating you?"

"Not bad, I suppose. You?"

"Likewise. I hear your youngest daughter got married and then got herself kidnapped?", Thierry asked.

"That's exactly why I've called you," Bob responded. "I'm calling to place my first favour from you guys."

"What is it?"

"Call off the manhunt for Arnold Shortman."

A silence hung over the conversation.

"You do know what you're asking, right?", Thierry asked. "I don't want you getting into trouble for aiding and abetting your daughter's kidnapper."

"Before you go into this," Bob responded, "let's get the story straight. Yes, she was kidnapped, but by _my own_ request. I realised some things about your friend, James Brighton-Lewis, that will make you shit your pants. Turns out our darling politician is a swindler as well. He was planning on conning us out of our money and leaving us in the gutter, and he was going to do it using our own daughter. Realising this, I tried calling the wedding off with James, but he moved it up to today. So I told Mr. Shortman to go and get her out of the wedding, something he succeeded in doing, as you can see."

"Well," Thierry said, "I'll see what I can do. But what do you want the rest of the Bureau to say?"

"Say nothing," Bob said. "I'll take care of James myself, if he proves to be troublesome again. Just tell the rest of the FBI to drop the manhunt on Shortman."

"Okay, I'll try."

"Thanks."

With that, Bob hung the phone and went back downstairs and rejoined everyone.

"Well," Bob said, "it's all done."

The gang looked at him in amazement. "What is?", Phoebe asked.

Bob smirked at her. "You'll see," he responded.

A few moments later, Bob's words would prove prophetic. The director of the FBI appeared on the podium.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, at this moment, we have received an anonymous tip that changes the perspective of our investigation. It would appear that we have done a big mistake in rushing to make a manhunt with very little information. The tipster indicated that the manhunt was being conducted out of pure selfishness. At this moment, I am calling off the search for Arnold Shortman due to insufficient evidence. We hope that the parties involved forgive us for the trouble we've caused, and accept our humble apologies. That's all I can say at this time." He then stepped off the podium.

As soon as the director stepped off, the whole house erupted in cheers. It was another humiliation in the life of James Brighton-Lewis. The FBI was James' go-to people when it came to maintain his livelihood... now, they have just turned their back on him.

"How'd you get them off their backs?", Phoebe asked.

Bob winked at her. "That's for me to know, and you to find out," he joked. Phoebe just kept staring at him. Bob gave up then.

"Oh, all right," he said. "I've got an FBI contact in there since I was young and worked as an intern there. I didn't even think that he could be used. But when you're dealing with a vulture like James, you need all the help you can get. So I called in a favour, and there you are."

"But won't that exacerbate the situation?", Phoebe asked.

"Maybe," Bob mused, "maybe not. All I know is James is testing my and Arnold's and Helga's patience, and it's fast running out."

The gang kept celebrating. The only person who was not celebrating was Phil. He was still worried about Arnold, considering that James was still very much a powerful person. He was still in thought. That he was also seeking forgiveness to Arnold was also burdening on him, since he had really brought hurt and shame to him.

* * *

Back in Washington D.C., James, after hearing what the FBI had done, decided that some people were going to pay for letting this happen. Three of James' FBI friends who served him well were now standing at the altar where he had married his "wife" a few hours before. They were not pleased at the prospects of facing their boss.

"You _what?!_" he bellowed. "You're telling me that you cannot continue the search because of your superiors?! What the fuck am I paying you for?!"

One of the agents was frightened out of his wits. "We tried," he stammered, "but we've been given orders to stand down!"

"You fucking worthless scumbags!", James angrily yelled. "If you can't do a simple job, then you can just leave! You're all fired!" He then shoved all of them out of the church. James was pacing around. He decided to place a call to the father of the bride - Bob Pataki.

At Hillwood, Bob was actually expecting the call - something he'd anticipated when he'd basically had the FBI call off the search for his youngest daughter and Arnold. He picked up the phone nonchalantly.

"Yello?"

"Why do I get the feeling," James started, "that I'm being royally screwed?!"

"Because you _are_, James!", Bob responded.

"You lousy little _shit!_", James angrily said. "You forget that we had a deal?! You were supposed to _support_ my marriage to Helga, not stab me in the back like this!"

At this, Bob was incensed. "Hey! Hey-hey-hey-hey-hey! I told you this would happen if you attempted to marry my daughter! If you hadn't been so rash as to hang up, then you'd know why I wasn't about to let you... but then again, I know what you intend to do to our family, _and_ to my own daughter!"

James feigned ignorance. "What are you talking about?"

"I think you know."

"No, I _don't_, Bob," James responded. "Could you please enlighten me?"

"You're planning to bankrupt my family by using Helga as the means to an end!"

Outwardly, James still feigned ignorance, but inside, he was in shock. How could this ignoramus (from James' point of view) have found out - unless it was from that boy with the buzzed haircut! _I should have beat the living daylights out of him when I had the chance!_, James thought.

"This is the first time I hear this," James said, still feigning ignorance. "I assure you that that's not my intention-"

"Don't _lie_ to me, James!", Bob yelled angrily. "I know it for a fact! I'm going to _sink you_ if you even _dare_ to try and harm Arnold or my daughter."

"Listen to you," James responded with venom in his voice. _The real James came out,_ Bob thought. "You _never_ cared about Helga, you never cared _for_ Helga, and let's face it: you never even _gave a fuck_ about Helga. Why now? What makes you think you or Arnold have a chance in hell in stopping me? You're a fucking workaholic who never sees his youngest daughter in the face. Do you even think you can stop me? You can't even commit to your own family."

"Maybe," Bob responded, "but I have learned that sometimes the best way to make your bonds stronger is to _fight._ I intend to fight to make sure my daughter is treated right, and I will see to it that you do not get away with what you're trying to do."

James scoffed at this. "You and what army?"

Bob chuckled. "Just me. One way or the other, you're gonna learn that messing with the Patakis is like messing with a cobra."

He hung up. James threw the phone on the floor in disgust.

A few moments later, Edward came in, he wore a neutral expression on his face.

"I've got good news, and some bad news," he said. "Which one you want first?"

"Bad news."

"Well, it's split into two: first, that guy that helped those two kids out? The FBI released him from custody."

James was unconcerned with those news. _Oh, well_, he thought. _He'll probably have a fun story to tell those people. Fuck that though._ "And the other piece of bad news?", he asked.

"Father's been taken ill after the wedding. He'll be in the hospital for a while," Edward said, almost crying.

James sunk his head down in sadness. It's true, him and his father weren't in the best of a relationship, but they still had some respect for each other. He wanted to be a senator after seeing his father in action. He'd served half of one term, and let his father finish off another one, while he was preparing to be re-elected, after having gained some experience and honed his skills. But now, it was not looking good.

"What are the good news?"

"Well, the good news is that you'll become acting senator, in light of this situation."

James brightened up at hearing this.

"When do I start?", he asked.

"Effective immediately," Edward replied, "provided you don't let your feelings get in the way of your job..."

James then hugged Edward, and picked the phone up. He dialed the numbers of 2 phones: Bob's and Arnold's. He decided to circumvent CNN, as he knew CNN would then use his words against him. He was going to speak to his 2 ruin-bringers. Both sides picked up their phones, and were greeted by James' maniacal face. He started to speak in a malignant tone of voice.

"Bob... Arnold... Helga... This isn't over, _not _by a long shot. You worry about not taking the time to stop and smell the roses? Don't worry, Bob Pataki... I'm going to give you a _funeral_ of roses! You wanna play games with me? OK, I'll play games with you. You'll all pay for this, believe me." He then chuckled menacingly. He then added, equally menacing, "Have a good day!" He hung up.

As soon as that came in, Bob soon decided to take matters into his own hands. He placed a call to Louie Siller. Louie was the new financial director of Bob's store, after Nick had, once again for the umpteenth time, proven himself unworthy of the job. Louie, like Arnold, was in shock that Bob would offer him some money, but unlike Arnold, who took it after a lot of pressure, Louie simply turned it down, and kept _insisting_ that Bob stop giving him money. These were tests of loyalty done by Bob - both, however, passed them. But back to Louie - Louie, unlike Nick, was far more dependent on the job than the money.

But back to the story. Louie picked up the phone.

"Louie, it's me," Bob said. "Where are you?"

"I'm at the store," Louie said. "Why do you ask?"

"Stay right there," Bob responded. "I'll be there in a few moments. And while you're at it, I want you to work with someone I've come to depend on. Is that a problem?"

"No, not at all," Louie said, happily. "I'll see you in a few." They hung up.

Bob then decided to call Brian.

"Brian? This is Big Bob here."

"What is it?"

"How long does it take you to hack into a satellite array? At least, set up the computers?", Bob asked.

"Roughly around 2 hours, give or take," Brian said. "Why do you ask?"

"It's time to live up to your nickname, son," he said. "Get down to the beeper emporium. A guy named Louie will help you with the set up. And _bring the tape_."

"Lemme guess," Brian said, "James has been talking shit? No offence..."

"Yeah, and he's just threatened Helga, Arnold and me with a 'funeral of roses'. It's time to put James in his own place, once and for all..."

Back in D.C., Arnold and Helga, after having left the motel, started their way back to Hillwood. They were both disconcerted about James' maniacal tone in which he had spoken with.

"A funeral of roses?", Helga asked. "This guy's definitely _pansy!_"

Arnold, however, wasn't sure. "I can tell a threat when there is one," he said. "Didn't you say that he wouldn't forgive and forget?"

"Of course I did; couldn't you tell I was being sarcastic just now?"

Arnold chuckled at this. Both, however, were still worried about what James would do to them as soon as they returned to Hillwood. However, as they took the road that took them to I-95, and thus home, they were unaware that Bob Pataki was going to take measures to ensure their safekeep.

* * *

Roughly 2 hours later, Bob was in the beeper emporium. He had brought in Brian and Louie. Louie was getting Bob ready for a surprise appearance.

"Louie," Bob said, "when I give the order, be sure to make sure that the feed goes all the way through, OK?"

"Of course, Mr. Pataki," Louie responded.

"I knew I could count on you," Bob added, joyfully.

Just at that moment, he decided to put a call in to his daughter and her paramour - that is to say, Helga and Arnold, who were on their way back.

"Hey, little lady," Bob said. "How're things going?"

"Never better, Bob - I mean, dad," she responded. "I haven't had the chance to thank you."

"Well, don't thank me," Bob said, "thank that lover of yours. Speaking of, you guys haven't heard the news yet, have you?"

"Yeah," Helga responded. "We actually heard. He's promising us a 'funeral of roses', whatever that means. And I hear he's senator again. Gawd, I hate that guy, really I _do!_"

"Not only that," Bob added. "He's spouting off at the mouth again, saying that he's gotten the FBI again, and that he's also gotten bounty hunters on your trail, so be careful, the _both of you_."

"No problem, Bob," Arnold responded, "but you should go ahead and do whatever you're about to do, and _quickly!_"

"Sure, will do," Bob said. "I'll see you both in a few more hours, then."

"Bye!", both of them said.

"Bye," Bob said, then he turned his attention to the screen again. James was still angry at Arnold and Helga, and to extent Bob, for throwing monkey wrenches in his plans.

"You really think you've outrun me?", James angrily asked. "Well, Arnold, you haven't outrun me! I'm the new Senator, and if you don't bring her back, I _will_ make it hard for you to breathe! You still don't get it, do you? I'm not about to give up what I want the most! I _always_ get what I want! And that includes Helga. If you don't give her back, I _will_ take _extreme_ measures, and I can make sure that you be given the maximum, or _worse,_ the death penalty! I want my wife back. I know that you have her stashed somewhere. I _will_ find her, Arnold, and you will regret you ever were born! You will rue the day you ever messed with me in the first place!"

Bob was chuckling at this, but not because he was agreeing - he was chuckling because already tired of James' continuous games towards everyone he was associated with. In a few more seconds, James would become the laughingstock of the whole country.

"Well, James," he thought out loud, "it was _not_ a pleasure knowing you! You're going to learn the cost of crossing me, ya weasel!"

He then gave the signal to turn on the feed, now connected to a complex series of computers and satellite arrays. With this, he counted on Brian's help - Brian had, alongside Louie, managed to hook up said series of satellite arrays and computers and hacked their way into the CNN satellite. Louie turned on the feed. At that moment, an interruption on the circuit started. The image of James Brighton-Lewis was replaced by that of Bob Pataki, now sitting on his throne with a a mug which contained hot chocolate (he didn't drink much alcohol), and with all of his Beeper King regalia. Normally one would think that Bob was going to do his usual commercial shtick. But, considering the circumstances, Bob was not about to do a commercial: Bob was about to lash out at a certain family that tried to swindle him. He used to be a Conservative Republican, but James' tactics with regards to Bob's family were going too far. After throwing James under the bus, he made sure, he would change to the Democratic Party - still a conservative, but prone to some libertarian ideals. However, at the moment, he was just going to attack James for being an all-around asshole.

"Hello again. It's me, Bob Pataki," he announced. "I'm o-o-o-o-outtt!" He took a sip from his mug.

"As many of you know," Bob continued, "I'm known for being a blowhard with communications equipment. But tonight, I want to take a moment to congratulate James Brighton-Lewis on his ascension to government. James Brighton-Lewis: always on the cutting edge, discovering government a few months _after_ first discovering your friend's girlfriend!" Bob laughed at this and took a sip from his mug.

"What are the differences between James Brighton-Lewis and me?", Bob asked. "Let's take a look: I take your money by not allowing you any refunds... and I'm a villain; James Brighton-Lewis takes your money by _making_ campaigns, then _uses it_ for funding _his_ wars and having affairs... and _he's_ Man of the Year!" He laughed again and took another sip of his mug.

"In order to make a movie about me interesting," Bob continued, "they had to make stuff up; in order to make a film about James Brighton-Lewis, just to rate it 'R', they'll have to leave stuff _out!_" He laughed yet again, and took yet another sip of his mug.

"But in all seriousness, folks", Bob continued, "James Brighton-Lewis is just very conniving on the whole. I mean, really conniving, really rotten, makes Scheck look like an asshole. I mean, seriously, James: you tried to swindle me?! That's a bad move. And you attempted to have my _friend_ arrested? For what? For rescuing someone who deep down didn't even love you? That's very low. You don't even know Arnold's history! But I do know more about yours. Remember when I told you I could sink you? Well guess what? That's what I'm going to do right now. You'll learn that you don't mess with a Pataki and get away with it."

Thus saying, he took out a familiar tape recorder, and pressed play on it. Soon, James would be humiliated by a Pataki yet again. If Helga running away with Arnold was humiliating enough, Bob playing the tape Brian made of James and Edward talking about their plans to sink her and her family was an even _worse_ humiliation, and this one was the icing on the cake. Now everyone knew what the Brighton-Lewises were up to. Marrying Helga for her money, toying with her emotions, then siphoning her family's money, and then, when the accounts were drained, leave them in the gutter with nowhere to turn to... The disgust went all around the country by now. Now James' humiliation was complete. Bob pressed the stop button and then turned his attention to James.

"I told you, didn't I?", he said, menacingly. "I told you that if you'd hurt my family, you'd regret it. Well, nimrod, your time is over. Your little arranged marriage is over. You took a gamble, and you lost totally. You should have realised that messing with a Pataki would bring nothing but grief. But when someone like you keeps testing our patience, examples have to made out of them. I really hope you do get to rebuild your life... what's left of it." He laughed again, and this time, shut the feed down. The feed returned to CNN, now showing a visibly pale James Brighton-Lewis. His humiliation has now gone full circle. He now could actually hear booing from every room in the hotel where he was based at. His career had been ruined. He was quite livid. He now had one choice left. He was going to find his rebellious "wife" (Helga never considered him as her husband, unfortunately) and the one who kidnapped her himself - in their own home city. The FBI failed him, and the rest of the US decided to make him their laughingstock. He quickly left the hotel and got into his car. He sped off.

On the car ride, in the meanwhile, Arnold and Helga were hearing Bob's parting shot. They broke out in laughter at hearing some of her father's jokes about James' behaviour towards Arnold and Helga (and his callous treatment of people in general). However, the laughter died down as soon as they heard Bob play the tape Brian made about James' and Edward's plans for her family.

_Criminy! No wonder he wanted to marry me so quickly,_ Helga thought bitterly. _Is this what Arnold was referring to when he said that James was gonna bankrupt our family and leave us in the gutter?_ Helga shuddered at the thought._ Now I'm _really_ glad that Arnold got me out of that, otherwise, in a few years' time, we would find ourselves in a crackhouse, or _worse..., she cringed,_ a _whorehouse...

Arnold's voice took her out of those thoughts. "What're you thinking about?", he asked her.

"Nothing," she responded. "Just thinking how you crashing the wedding saved my life from tragedy... _lover._"

Arnold smiled at the way she said that word.

_Don't worry, my love_, he thought, now feeling a sense of peace with her. _I won't let him get to you again. Never again._

* * *

The two were holding hands throughout the rest of the drive.

2 hours later, the Packard arrived at Hillwood. They came home to a heroes' welcome.

Arnold once again came out as the hero, whether he liked it or not, for rescuing a family from the brink of disaster, and Helga was welcomed as the heroine for not letting anyone prevent her from standing up for what she believed in.

Someone poured champagne over Helga's head. She, being a good sport, laughed. The person who did it was Candy, who had also gone to Bob's house to see the ensuing dénouement. Arnold noticed her.

"I figured it's time you two ought to meet, though I never would have imagined it happening now," Arnold said, giggling. "Helga, this is Candy; Candy, Helga."

"How do you do?" the two said in unison.

"Sorry about me dumping the champagne," Candy said, slightly ashamed.

"Ah, don't worry about it," Helga shrugged. "I needed to take a bath, though. Walking 30 minutes to a Packard, then loading gasoline, I'd be bound to get dirty anyways!", she joked. Both laughed.

"And if you're worried that I might hold some resentment over taking my _former_ boyfriend," Candy then said, "don't worry, I don't. I used to for some days, but then I started asking about you, and figured you were an OK girl. You're OK. Promise me one thing, though."

"Anything."

"Treat Arnold good, ya hear?"

Helga gulped. "Will do," she finally said, trying to hold down a giggle. "Besides, I've _been_ treating him good since Kindergarten..."

They both laughed. Candy then got out a box which had some weird calligraphic writing on it. Helga opened the box, and it turned out to be a bottle of wine - a bottle of Tokaji Aszú 3 Puttonyos, to be exact.

"From your ancestors," Candy explained. "Aren't you of Hungarian descent?"

Helga was amazed. What should she do?

"Well, I'm not that big a drinker," Helga explained, "for personal reasons which I won't mention, but thanks! I could use it on a toast anytime..."

"Yeah, that's the idea: save it for a good occasion," Candy said. The two shook hands and hugged each other, in spite of Helga coming in a little bit dingy and also having been thrown champagne.

Meanwhile, Arnold was rubbing shoulders with all of his friends... even those who were forced back into Arnold's side. Sid offered his apologies to Arnold; after all the crap that had gone down, an apology had to come out. Gerald held out his hand, and also offered his apologies. Arnold's only words towards Gerald were to watch himself; but for the rest, they decided to begin _some_ reconciliation. Rhonda didn't say anything, she also held out her hand. After a few moments, Arnold shook it, and the two gave each other congratulatory pats on the back. The rest of the time, all of Arnold's friends were joking around, with Wolfgang regaling them with stories of his temporary capture and his eventual release, something Arnold didn't know.

Only _one_ person remained unacknowledged by Arnold. Phil had tried to get Arnold to talk to him, but Arnold just walked past him, ignoring him. This did not go unnoticed by Gertrude, Helga, and her parents.

"What's the deal with Arnold and Grandpa Phil?", Helga asked.

"A long story, Eleanor," Gertrude responded, "but I think I can revert to myself to say the story. Y'see, Phil decided to be hypocritical, and made Arnold attempt to end the affair between you and our grandson."

"I can only guess," Bob remarked, "that our _darling_ swindler turned his head. I mean, just hearing the conversation with that Brian kid was enough."

"So, Phil was won over by James' charm?", Helga wondered. "I hate him so. Oh, how I _hate_ him," she said, the "him" referring to James.

"Well, long story short, Arnold and my husband got into an argument, and then Arnold's sworn not to talk with him for the rest of his life. I mean, it's very horrible to do, but I _cannot_ agree with Phil not defending his own grandson, and defending a stranger. I'd heard the conversation. Arnold was utterly livid."

"And _no wonder_," Helga said. "I can't even _imagine_ how it would feel if Arnold were the one marrying a rich girl, and I were the one starting the affair... and for my own grandfather, if he were alive, to tell me to end the affair out of respect, but not even that... I can definitely sympathise with that. I don't agree with Arnold cutting off ties with his only family, but I can definitely sympathise with him."

With those words, Helga went upstairs to take a shower. After a few minutes of getting cleaned up, she decided to change into different clothing: in this case, she changed into a black longsleeved shirt, and one of Olga's old skirts. (Strangely enough, she wasn't in the house, but she did send her warmest regards towards both her younger sister and Arnold.) She then went downstairs again to where Arnold was. Bob went towards them and took them out of the living room for a while, to talk to them in private.

"Kid, I can't even _thank_ you enough for doing what you did in there," Bob said, proudly. "I mean, you got there a bit too late, but still, you had the guts to take her with you. I can still hear you guys' screams!", he chuckled.

"Yeah, well, I couldn't have done it without you or Brian," Arnold said.

"Now that you're both back," Bob said, "maybe we can talk about a marriage..."

"Please, Bob, no marriages," Arnold implored.

"Why not?", Bob asked, rhetorically. "You can get married, and it'll all be perfect-"

"_No marriage!_" Arnold and Helga shouted in unison.

"I mean, Criminy!", Helga added, exasperatedly.

"We've just gotten _out_ of a marriage, remember?", Arnold asked. "That would make Helga a bigamist. Aren't you worried?"

"Doi!"

"Ah, never mind that," Bob said. "It's a joke! I'm not about to rush a wedding now! And besides, all we need do is annul the wedding."

"It won't be that simple, though," Arnold responded.

"All we need is a lawyer and some time," Bob assured them. "In the meanwhile, you two can start getting acquainted with each other again, 'just like starting over', so it goes. Besides, I'm not that dumb, kid! I've known that my daughter _liked_ you since she was young. So, what better way to restart your relationship than that?"

Arnold chuckled. Then he laughed, and the two Patakis laughed as well. Then when they stopped laughing, Arnold got serious again.

"I dunno if Wolfgang told you this..."

"No, Arnold boy, he hasn't," Bob said. "What's happened?"

"Then you don't know...", Arnold mused. He decided to say what he'd learned. "OK, then, did James date _anybody_ before shacking up, so to speak, with Helga?"

"Yeah, with Olga, my other daughter," Bob responded.

"Doesn't it seem strange to you, Mr. Pataki?", Arnold asked. "Why would James then go to Helga, after being dumped by Olga?"

Bob then realised what Arnold was saying.

"You're saying that James wanted revenge?", Bob asked.

"That's right," Arnold replied. "He's apparently gotten so pissed at the whole of your family, since Olga dumped him."

Bob then put some clues together.

"Oh, I _get_ it now..." Bob said. "After I ordered the FBI to stop searching for you - by the by, I got my ways... -, James dropped hints that he was seeking revenge against my family; I don't know how I could figure those out, really."

"I figured it out when you guys left. Candy believes that, after Olga dumped James, he couldn't get over the breakup apparently, so he then turned his charms on the nearest Pataki he could find: Helga. The plan to use Helga as the means to an end to bankrupt you definitely counts as an act of revenge. But he's also motivated by another of the world's oldest motivations: jealousy. In James' plan to ruin you, Bob, I stood in the way, so he played me and Helga, and me and my friends, and even my own grandfather, against each other."

"That is _sickening_," Helga said, horrified that James was actually planning what he was.

"Tell me about it," Arnold said. "This is even worse than Scheck, like you said."

"The thought, strangely enough, _did_ come to my mind," Bob said. "When I first saw him with Helga back in June, I thought there's no way that he could love her at all; he lied completely all the time."

Arnold decided to admit something. "Y'know, Bob, maybe I _was _too harsh on you when I asked you if that you'd permitted James to come up with what he was doing," Arnold said. "I mean, the seeds were sown when _Olga_ dumped James, and not even before we even met."

"The sad thing about it," Helga lamented, "was that we _did_ get married. I mean, James did strike a victory..."

"No, he didn't," Arnold said.

"You bet he didn't," Bob agreed. "If you had gone on the honeymoon, he would have succeeded completely. All he got was a prenup which we three know he won't honour, and the desire to take from our so-called 'piggy bank.' The elopement and subsequent events definitely have been putting a damper on things. But enough about that," he said. "Why don't you take a bath here too? You could use one yourself."

"Thanks, but no thanks, Bob," Arnold said. "For one - I was planning on doing so in the boarding house, since I don't like to use another person's bathroom much nowadays - how decidedly different from back then I am, huh? Two, no offence, but I don't think I'll be able to find anything in my size, and green polos _aren't _my favourite design..."

"I hear you on _that!_" Helga joked. The three started laughing again.

A few moments later, Gertie gave Arnold the keys to the boarding house. Arnold and Helga began saying their goodbyes to everyone, and the usual I'll-see-you-laters (appropriate, since the whole boarding house would not be back until tomorrow morning). Phil tried to stop Arnold from leaving; he was trying to get Arnold to forgive him.

"Shortman, _please_," Phil said, "I'm begging you. Forgive me. I was led on by James' treachery, I was. You were right! I was only doing what I thought was the right thing, believe me! I didn't intend for this to happen. Won't you please forgive me? Please!" He was sobbing tremendously.

As this was happening, Helga had gone beside Arnold, hoping to bring peace among the two.

"God might forgive you," Arnold replied coldly, "I _don't._ I don't want to see your face ever again, like I told you. If you really mean what you say, you'll have to _prove it_. I don't believe you. Movement is shown by walking. Actions speak louder. You want to be forgiven? Strive for it, because my affections now have a price."

Thus saying, he moved Phil out of the way. Helga, a bit dismayed at seeing this, turned her attention to Phil.

"That wasn't the nice thing for Arnold to do," she spoke, her voice, nearly breaking, "but I can't say you _didn't _deserve it. Why, oh _why_, didn't you support your grandson - _your grandson,_ Phil! - when he begged you to? I also looked up to you... it's such a real damn shame that the former patriarch of a great family had to _fall_ to what you've now become: a power climber who rubbed elbows with someone Arnold really despised. I'm disgusted, bucko. There's a line from a song I listen to sometimes, which fits well: 'You must start from scratch again, many battles you must win 'til you've earned your place on earth... will there be an happy ending? Now, that all depends on you.' Try to find a shred of the man you used to be inside yourself, and _maybe_, just _maybe_, you will find something... to _redeem yourself._" She then walked away to the Packard and got on. They drove away.

Back in the Patakis' house, Phil walked back inside. He then realised that both Arnold and Helga were right. He had done _nothing whatsoever_ to even _deserve_ forgiveness. He was brokenhearted, but, he admitted, it was by his own doing. He cursed at himself inside. He began to rue the day that he ever allowed James in his house. The phone then rang - it was James again, angrily demanding where Arnold and Helga were. He was now approaching Hillwood. Phil decided for his first opportunity at redemption to finally be at that particular moment.

"Where is that _bitch _of a wife?!", James angrily asked.

"I'm not saying a single thing, you fucking piece of shit," Bob responded. "I'm not gonna let you ruin their chances."

"They never _had_ any fucking chance!", James replied. "I know you know where they are, you fucking asshole. Tell me where they are, and you won't get hurt..."

Bob was really livid.

"Don't play games with _me_, son!", Bob retorted. "I know for a fact that your fucking goons are stuck in Washington, D.C. Your threats are in vain!"

Bob had no idea, and neither did James on the other side of the call, that Phil had approached slowly. He quickly snatched the phone out of Bob's hands, but not without a complaint from Bob. Phil was now absolutely livid.

"Listen to me, you fucking bastard!", he angrily screamed.

"Phil, is that you?", James asked, slightly afraid. "Why don't we just calm down, and talk-"

"Calm down, my ass!", Phil spat back. "I hope you're _proud_ of what you've done to my family! I sold my goddamn soul to you, and _look what it brought me!_"

James was in genuine shock. "What do you mean, what it brought-"

"My grandson _hates me now, you dirty piece of shit!_", Phil yelled at the top of his lungs.

"Well," James stammered, trying to keep his self-control, "you should've kept a tighter leash on the piece of shit, anyway..."

"How _dare_ you?! You think this is some game?! Don't you _dare_ show your ungodly face 'round the boarding house anymore, or I'll kill you personally myself! I don't care if I go to jail! I'll at least go with my conscience clear that I tried my best to stop you from hurting my grandson anymore, and that I've tried to make amends with him!"

He hung up the phone in anger. He then calmed down after having done some slight laughs. He then turned to Bob.

"Pataki, what are the chances that that bastard will go to the boarding house?", Phil asked.

"2-to-1, meaning, he _will_ go there...", Bob said.

Candy was visibly worried.

"I do hope they know how to defend themselves...", she said.

"Ah, don't worry bout that, girl!", Bob said. "She may not look it, but my daughter can out-talk someone, _and_ she's not afraid to beat anyone up who bugs her too much... at least, she used to."

"And my grandson...", Phil started, but started tearing up again.

"What about him?", Candy asked.

"Ah, he took self-defence classes with his grandmom, and he also has been known to be a good talker... There used to be some fun times in that house... now they're gone because of that man...", he started sobbing.

Oblivious to this little scene, Arnold and Helga were driving back to the boarding house. The ride had been uncomfortable ever since they left her house, due, in part, to the scene Phil made.

"I know, that wasn't a nice thing to say, but put yourself in my shoes...", Arnold said. "But now I'm thinking I _might_ have been too harsh on him... But still, you can't easily forgive a betrayal done by your own family member. Not a nice thing to go through."

"Yeah, well," Helga said, "if what we told him gets through his head, he'll take action in the right direction. Besides, I think I might have been a bit harsh on him myself..."

Arnold hummed in understanding.

"But man, Football Head, that wedding crash definitely took the cake today!", Helga said, starting to laugh. "I can still remember it - so fucking vivid!"

"Yeah, it certainly was!," Arnold agreed, also laughing.

They stayed laughing through out the drive back to the boarding house.

A few moments later, they returned to the boarding house, still laughing. As was expected, they had the whole house to themselves, since everyone had gone to Bob's house to watch the event as it unfolded. They went up to Arnold's room.

"Did you see the look on that bastard's face when I told him off?", Helga asked, still giggling.

"Yeah, I saw," Arnold replied, also still giggling. "I thought he was gonna shit a brick!"

"He probably _was!_", she responded, and the two laughed heavily.

They sat down on Arnold's bed, still laughing.

"Really, Arnold," she started, "thanks for rescuing me, even _if_ under Bob's orders."

"Don't you get it?", Arnold asked. "I also wanted to do it... just that I had been going through a funk, no thanks to James."

Helga hummed in understanding.

Just a few moments in, they were startled by a knock on the door.

"It's probably that no-good grandfather of mine," Arnold said, irritated. "But anyway, where were we?"

"You were just about to dance with me," Helga said, grinning.

"Yeah, I _was_ about to...", he said. Then came another knock on the door, throwing Arnold out of his reverie. He turned his attention to the door.

"You don't have a home here anymore!", he growled.

He then decided to close the door. He turned the radio on. As usual MJZZ was on, and the song that would, by chance, soon be on, "Milestones" by Miles Davis, was a favourite of Arnold's - the _perfect _song to dance to. They both danced to that song, unaware of a slightly familiar doorbell ringing, which was masked by Arnold having turned up the volume to avoid hearing the familiar knocks and now a doorbell. During the 5:49 that the song lasted, Arnold and Helga were in total bliss while dancing, and they remained that way after the song had ended.

Their bliss was interrupted by a knock and then a person stepping forward. James had found them. They then realised that James had somehow entered with a copy of the keys to the house that Phil had made him in his folly, after ringing and knocking on the door. However, instead of feeling afraid, the two of them were not intimidated by his presence now.

"You really think you can win?", he asked.

Helga didn't respond. She, like Arnold beside her, just stared at him in silence.

"Do you know what you've done to my life?", he asked. "You made me look like an idiot. I had to leave the hotel I was in like a fool. Running from my own workplace like a thief!"

"Isn't that what you are?", Helga deadpanned.

James was growing irritated. He walked up towards her. He hissed, "Now listen here, Helga-"

At this, Helga got furious. "That's _Miss_ Helga G. Pataki to you, _bucko!_", she hissed. "We might as well have been strangers."

"Well, '_Miss_' Helga, the game is up. You've had your fun, so you're doing as I say now," James responded. "Get up and go home and be a proper wife."

"No," Helga responded, hissing.

James chuckled nervously, but regained his composure.

"I'm afraid you don't have a choice," he said.

"Oh, but I _do_," Helga responded. "I _do _have a choice."

"No, you don't!", James responded, his anger growing. "Damn it, you act as if you're in kindergarten! This isn't the world where you build shrines to your one true love! This is the big, bad world full of mean people, where nasty things happen!"

Helga chuckled in tremendous irony. "_Now_ you tell me, geekbait?", she deadpanned.

James was really furious now. He was now losing what was left of his patience. He wasn't used to people telling him "No" - he was used to hearing everything in the form of "Yes's".

"Look, Helga, you listen to me, and you listen to me good!", he threatened. "I am _not_ about to lose you! You are mine, not this guy's! I'm through playing around! You'd better stand up, and you'd better stand up fast!"

When he was saying this, he grabbed Helga by her arms.

"Move it!" he shouted, shaking her.

Helga, however, remained stoic and stonefaced, as did Arnold.

At this point, James realised that there _was_ no convincing either of them. He threw his hands in absolute surrender.

"OK, Helga," he spoke. "You win. You win."

He laid his jacket on Arnold's pull-out couch. He then got closer to them both.

"If that's how you want things to be, so be it," James said. Then, he added, with ever the same arrogance he had, "I just think you could do better. I'm just trying to keep you out of the reach of this _pervert!_ I mean, do you know what this pervert does? This pervert-"

Upon hearing James calling him a "pervert" once again, Arnold lost it.

"The only one who's a fucking pervert here is _you!_", Arnold hissed. As soon as James heard this, he was floored.

"You tried to _swindle_ Helga!?", he continued. "You tried to sink her family? All because her sister dumped you? How the hell could you be so fucking _callous_, James - oh, wait, should I call you 'Robert'?"

James tried to cajole his way out of this. He still had his hands up.

"Come on, guys," he said, in a really fake tone of voice, "you know me. This isn't like me."

By this point, Helga had had enough. She grabbed James' jacket, and threw it at his face.

"Take your fucking jacket," Helga hissed, "and get the _hell_ out of our house!"

James was more underwhelmed.

"And I _lied_ to you," Helga added, coldly. "I never liked you. You're an asshole. And I hate your fucking job, not to mention the one before that."

"You're just another cheating bastard, dude," Arnold added, really angered at James for having attempted to harm Helga.

James picked up the jacket, amazed that Arnold actually grew some balls.

"Cheating bastard?", he mused. He then asked, "You know something, kid? You could be all right."

He started to leave after giving this rather backhanded compliment. However, Helga wasn't quite through with James. She proceeded to take her wedding band from her ring finger. She then dropped it on the ground. At that point, Helga then stepped on the ring 5 times with tremendous force, bending the ring until it became nothing more than a mass of bent metal. She then gave a smirk towards James.

"It's over," she hissed coldly.

At that moment, James realised that Helga had beat him. He started walking away with a grimace. He had been outsmarted by a woman who he thought would be overtaken, but who proved to be a smart individual.

As soon as he left the two embraced again, this time sure that nothing would split them apart again.

They then went downstairs and decided to have a celebratory dinner - nothing too fancy, just a few pastrami on rye sandwiches. They then decided to unscrew the bottle of Tokaji that Candy had given them, and Helga proposed a toast.

"To a new beginning," Helga said.

Arnold smirked in response.

They drank their only glasses down. While Arnold took a drank of his glass, he couldn't help but notice the swan-like neck of the woman sitting next to plump dark pink lips perched on her glass, leaving her lipstick stain onto her glass. She looked absolutely ravishing. He felt himself blush while watching her neck move while she drank. He shifted in his seat, feeling himself harden at the thought that she could be drinking something else...

She caught his eye and smirked knowing full well what he had been thinking. She finished her drink and turned towards him, one hand reach out to touch the back of his hand. She leaned in and he couldn't help but notice how her perfume smelled. He felt her lips lock into his. He groaned, pulling her closer to him. An idea occurred to him once they pulled away for some much needed air.

"Hey, Helga...", Arnold said.

"Yes, Arnold?", Helga replied back.

"Um, now that James is out of the picture, do you want to..."

But before he could finish the sentence, Helga jumped him and starting roaming her hands all over his upper body. Understanding what this meant, Arnold picked up Helga by her thighs wrapping her legs around his waist and carried her to his room. Once they reached his room, he locked the door and started moving Helga to his bed, but before he placed her down on it, Helga jumped him again and pushed him up against the part of the wall where his pull-out couch was.

"So, Football Head, what was it you were going to say?", Helga replied in a seductive manner.

"You know, I totally forgot," Arnold replied back before his lips were on hers again. After about five minutes of very passionate kissing, Helga got the idea to take it up a level by ripping off Arnold's shirt, Arnold was stunned by this behaviour, but he returned to kissing her while undoing her dress. After he removed her dress, he was about to unclasp her bra, but Helga beat him to it and did it herself. She also took off her panties and other things she had on until she was completely in the nude. Arnold being very aroused at this point did the same and, after a minute of taking off everything, they then looked at each other fully naked. Unlike before, there wasn't any hesitation in what was coming next.

"Hey, Arnold...", Helga asked.

"Yes, Helga, what is it?", Arnold asked somewhat confused.

"Um... can we just do it _without_ the condom this time?"

Arnold, having not done this before, simply nodded his head and so, with that, he entered her already wet vagina. Helga and Arnold were still standing, so they carefully walked to his bed until they collapsed on it, and then Arnold started pushing in and out of her until they came to a rhythm.

"Um, Arnold... what about your skylight roof?", Helga asked with a slight bit of fear in her voice. "Won't people on the highway above possibly see us doing it?"

"Oh, Helga... I think I forgot to mention that I recently got windows that darken when the sun hits them at a certain angle," Arnold said somewhat proudly and, sure enough, the windows were shaded over, thus making it near impossible for anyone to see them.

Helga, realising this, quickly pushed Arnold down onto his back and started riding him. Arnold being even more turned on grabbed her hips and dug his nails into her waist thus making Helga start yelling his name in pure ecstasy. Arnold started to feel his climax approaching, so he decided to grab Helga by her shoulders and then started to move her into a doggy position, all while still being inside her, and then he started moving against her in this position once she was on her knees and hands. Helga then started screaming his name, and Arnold then started to feel her tighten around his penis with him still being inside her. After about a minute later, they both hit their climax and Arnold spilled his seed into her.

Arnold then pulled out of her and grabbed her left hand and moved her with him until he was splayed out on his bed and her resting on top of him.

"Hey, Helga," Arnold said slightly out of breath.

Helga started laughing and gave him a smug face. "Oh, don't tell me that you are tired already, Football Head?", she answered with pride. What Arnold didn't realise was that his penis was already starting to get hard again and, by accident, it re-entered Helga's vagina which in turn made her moan. Arnold then attacked her with his mouth again and then they had sex four more times in a row.

After a few hours of being passionate, the two lay there peacefully. However, a new thought threatened to ruin their peace.

"I don't mean to be really pessimistic," Helga began, "but what if we haven't seen the last of James by a long shot? Stepping on a ring isn't exactly bringing a marriage to an end, you know? A divorce needs to get through, otherwise, this cycle won't exactly end. And being a bigamist won't do me any favours either. I can end up in jail for doing so... I'm sorry, but I'm really worried."

"Don't worry about it," Arnold soothed. "We'll look into a lawyer as soon as possible. And if worst comes to worst, I could always pay a visit to you, fair enough?"

At this, Helga chuckled. _This was the guy I've _always _longed to be with - caring and loyal to the end. I guess dreams _do _come true in the end..._, she thought, as they both fell to sleep.

* * *

In one week, Arnold and Helga started forming a relationship. They went on dates together, did stuff together, the works. In just one week, their love grew stronger than it had on that fateful weekend - which, although it had ended badly, was a precursor of things to come. They were in love with each other, and everyone could see it. By week's end, the two were now in a serious relationship, and nothing could break them apart. By all accounts, both of them were happy.

The same could not be said, however, for James Brighton-Lewis. At the Brighton-Lewis Mansion, James had gone from his usual energetic self to a slightly less gaunt version of himself. He had gone through a lot in one whole week. It also didn't help that James hadn't eaten since what happened after the wedding.

"We can still ruin those guys," Edward said. "All we have to do is find one of their weaknesses-"

"_What CAN_ we do?!", James responded. "I didn't really want things to go this far. I wanted her back, sure, but if this is the price, I don't like it!"

Edward scoffed at this. "Look at you! The Senator is getting doubts on his life! Suck it up! Where is the old you who always got what he wanted?!"

James was furious. "He died as soon as the family he wanted to sink ripped him apart!", he angrily responded. "Maybe I shouldn't have done what I did. Yes, I'm struck with remorse! This is not what I wanted!"

"How admirable of you," Edward sarcastically responded.

"I once said that I kinda felt sorry for Arnold's plight," James said. "Guess what? Maybe we should have treated him better! But I've got the opportunity to set things right with myself. I want a press conference set for 2 minutes in."

Edward was shocked.

"Not like this!", he exclaimed. "You're gonna take a rest, bathe, get some food in you, and _then_ you'll do whatever press conference you like! I'm talking to you as a family member - as your brother, not as your confidante!"

"And I'm telling _you_, as your brother," James said, wearily, "that I don't care what I look like. I'm giving the Goddamned press conference, and I'm doing it right now."

And with that, James got up and made his way to the living room, where, just a few minutes before, Edward had put the call out to the reporters to assemble on the living room. Everyone was in shock at James' appearance. He sat down slowly, and he faced the camera for what would be his final word on the matter of his soon-to-be-ex-wife.

"The thing is," he began, "you can do some crazy things while you're in love. And I'm not justifying what I've been doing. On the contrary, I'm just trying to explain it. One can do crazy things when one is in love. I've done some crazy things myself, things that I'm not proud of. I'm not gonna enjoy what I'm about to do, and neither of you will, but I have to get this out of my chest, because, as an old Scandinavian proverb says, 'he who sins does not sleep', and I've been doing a lot of the former, which accounts for my appearance right now."

James gulped before he spoke again.

"I have been a ladykiller. Now, don't get me wrong - I haven't killed women. I meant that I was an uncaring womaniser. I never respected my wife. I never treated my girlfriends with respect. I was an all around idiot, for lack of a better term.

"There's also something rather dark I never did get to admit, but now I can definitely admit this. There is a family that lives here. I married a girl from this very family. See, the sister of the girl I married was my girlfriend, and we broke up, I began to be obsessed with _ruining _the family. I, as a very shrewd individual, wanted to sink them - financially and politically, it didn't matter. They were gonna go down hard. See, back then I had the attitude that whatever I wanted, I got, and it didn't matter - destroying a family, or breaking a girl's heart. I was very callous, and I revelled in this. Yes, I married the girl, because of the ease that this gave me in putting that family on the street. I never loved her. I enjoyed doing it. But this past week, I've been doing some thinking, and I came to the realisation that the family I wanted to hurt didn't deserve the treatment I'd been giving them. And I also came to realise, during the wedding's fallout, that the girl I was marrying loved another boy. Suffice it to say, I was an absolute idiot, and I tried to ruin their chance. I thought about me, me, me, all the time.

"But there's also an aggravating circumstance. I once told the boy that I would give her back if he wanted. I _knew_ he wanted her back. But I toyed with the boy as well. Like I said, I was still all "Me, me, me". I never once considered that he would earnestly want her back. All I cared about was to sink him, ruin their relationship, then ruin her family and her. So I did a really callous thing. That boy was Arnold Shortman. The woman I wanted to hurt was Helga, my wife. Her family, the Pataki family, which you all know, was the family I was willing to ruin. And the 'wife' thing - I don't deserve to call her that."

James then turned his gaze to the two, hoping that they would see him.

"Arnold and Helga, if you're both seeing this," he began, "I would like to take this moment to say the words I never said, because I was too proud to say them: I'm sorry for what happened. I don't deserve your forgiveness. I've treated you badly. You guys deserved to be happy. I had absolutely no right to do what I did to the both of you, and I truly regret that. From this moment, I ask that my marriage to my wife be annulled. I give to her back the life she would have had. I-", he stammered. And then, he fainted on live television. He did, however, get some wind back, and he managed to walk back to his bedroom.

Watching all this were none other than Arnold, Helga, her parents, and some of their friends. At first, they thought the same thing: "Why does he even _bother_ to keep going?", considering that all of James' press conferences _always_ ended up either berating Arnold and friends, or asking Helga to come back to him. But on this occasion, Arnold and Helga noticed that James was not his usual self. He normally would speak in his usual clipped politician's tone, but on this occasion, he was speaking rather languidly, slowly, as if he were weary. His emaciated appearance also was of note: all the time she was with James, Helga noted, he would always be impeccable, but here he was looking very horrible, with bags under his eyes and a withered appearance. He was also looking tired, as if he didn't even sleep well. Their fears were confirmed as soon as he fainted in front of everyone. And both of them decided, in spite of their enmity against James and their desire to just forget about him, to head over to the mansion and try to talk to him. Once there, they saw James in his bed, still recovering from his fainting spell, but on the road to getting better.

"It's a promise," James said. "I promise not to interfere with you guys anymore. On the soul of my father, I will not speak against you, nor will I make any moves against you."

Arnold and Helga stood there in amazement. Does this mean they would be left alone for good?

"Let me guess," James said, sensing their apprehension, "you don't believe me, do you?"

"Well," Arnold began, not wanting to lie to him, "far be it for me to tell you I don't believe you, but..."

"But the truth is," James interjected, chuckling, "you don't believe me after all that I did. Believe you me, Arnold: I wouldn't believe myself either, after all that I did to you guys. But after Helga dumped me - and right in front of you as well, I might add - I did some thinking. That's why you saw me in this appearance," he said, moving his hand to show his deteriorated state. "One week of angry screaming to all the gods, and then practically starving myself and not drinking anything, and I hit upon an epiphany - the epiphany being that I treated everyone I knew like shit. One week will do that to you - a nervous breakdown, I mean."

"You went through more in one week than both of us would go through in our lifetimes," Helga said, incredulously. "If I meant _anything_ to you - which I probably didn't, actually -, then listen to me: you need to bathe, get some food, and then rest for one day. After that, we _might_ be friends, but nothing more."

"Agreed," James said, chuckling. Some moments later, a priest came in, but not to give the last rites to James (as he was quite healthy, in spite of his malnourished appearance) - James had wanted to dissolve the marriage, the first act in giving Helga her life back. First to dissolve the bonds was Helga, who patiently answered each of the questions. Next to dissolve them was James, who, instead of giving his answers, gave a simple response.

"There's no need to ask them," James said. "Yes, I _do_ want the marriage annulled, because it was based on a lie - _my_ lie, a lie I should never have foisted upon anyone in the first place. I never loved her in the first place, either."

The priest, however, instead of getting offended at James' curt replies, fully understood. "Well," he said, "that sure answers everything, in spite of the questions supposed to be a formality." He then declared the marriage annulled, making the sign of the cross. He then stepped out, leaving all four (aside from the three, Edward had come in leading the priest into the bedroom).

"Remember, Arnold, what I told you?", James asked. "I told you if you wanted her back, I would give her back to you. I knew about the affair. However, instead of giving you credit, I made you go past your limits. I forced you to stop being the law-abiding citizen I've known you as, and made you do something that I know you weren't proud of, but, like they say, desperate times calls for desperate measures. In my hubris and anger, I'd forgotten that you would do anything in your power to get her back. I must say this: you must be the only kid with balls the size of Gibraltar to actually do what you did."

"So what you're saying," Arnold began, incredulously, "is that you planned this from the beginning, just to see how far I would go?"

"Oh, no, I didn't plan this," James responded. "I wanted to ruin Helga's family, that's true, after her sister dumped me. I played with Helga's emotions. I mean, you would have picked her up, eventually - as someone who was in dire straits, turning tricks in order to survive. I really can't believe I ever came up with that cruel idea." He then turned to his now-ex-wife. "I don't deserve you," he told her. "I've wronged you. I should never have lied to you. I apologise for the way I've treated you all this time."

Helga stood there for a moment. Should she accept the apology, or should she tell James no, and possibly get back at him? In the end, she had only one thing to do.

"Get up, bucko," she said. "I forgive you. But I think we should stay friends, OK?"

"Sure," James said, chuckling. "Besides, like I've said, you and Arnold deserved - and still _do deserve_ - each other. Who am I to say that you can't? Besides, I think I might luck out during your wedding - I'd like to be your best man, if you'll allow me. I may not be the man to give you guys blessing, but I can definitely atone by being a bit lower than you guys - being the bigger man and stepping up to responsibility, rather."

"Do you really need to ask?", Helga retorted. "Yeah, you can. It's the least I could do - I mean, I'm not as excluding as _some_ members of your family," she said, referring to Edward.

"Hey, be nice, eh?", Edward responded. "I still have some doubts, but I can approve of this. If this is what redemption feels like, then I'd like to extend my apologies to Arnold for my mistreatment of him as well. I'd like to apologise to you, and I hope you can forgive me."

"Hmm. You sound _fake_ to me," Arnold said, "but I'm not one to hold a grudge. So I forgive you, but watch yourself."

Both of them chuckled.

"Well, you guys _do _know where 'he who sins does not sleep' comes from, right?", James asked.

"Yeah," Helga responded. "It's a reversal of the phrase 'he who sleeps does not sin', isn't it?"

James was astonished. "You know your proverbs," he said. "I'm impressed!"

"Yeah, well, it's not a matter of knowing where they come from," Helga responded. "I just happen to know the phrase. Incidentally, I happen to know another one that's fitting for the situation. 'Tell the truth, because the truth shall set you free, and it also helps you sleep good at night.'"

"Now, _why_," James wondered, "does that sound familiar?"

Helga chuckled at this. "Well, luckily you told the truth, and it set you free, but you need to _rest_, you hear?! No more crazy stunts like the one you've pulled, OK?"

"OK," James agreed. He extended his hand. "Friends?"

"Friends." Helga shook his hand.

Arnold got up and stood there for a few moments. He shook James' hand. "_Reluctantly_, friends."

James grinned at this. "Well, it's a start," he said.

Afterwards both Arnold and Helga stepped out of the room and left the mansion. As they were starting down, Edward, clearly having feigned being good, turned to James.

"Man, what a riot!", Edward said. "You really had them going, huh? Good job on faking it. You really fooled them. Now all we need to do is find a plan to get back at them-"

James, however, wasn't hearing it.

"Just stop, OK?", he said. "We're not doing anything to them."

Edward was in shock when he heard James say this.

"You're not serious!", he gasped. "You're not seriously wanting to make peace with them?"

"Yes, that's right, I _do_ want to make amends with them," James replied.

Edward was aghast. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"I admired you," he said, disappointed. "'Why don't you just die, Catullus? What are you waiting for?' You've become a sham-"

James was furious at him for implying that he was a sham.

"Oh, don't you start doing a guilt trip on _me!_", James responded. "I don't want anymore of this shit. The negativity needs to _end_, and you're thinking about tricking them again. I'm tired of this, understand?"

Edward could only nod his head in shame.

"I honestly want the best for those two now," James said. "I learned this lesson late in life, but I believe that letting things go is the way to do things now, especially since I'm the one who fucked it all up. I'm telling you right now: _give it up._ The obsession must end, and the backstabbing must end as well."

Edward nodded mutely. He could see that James was right in this matter.

"I'm sorry about that," he said. "You're right. It's just that... I was hoping that you wouldn't actually say what you were saying. But now I see that you mean it, and that you can't be moved from this position that you're taking."

"Nah, don't worry," James said. "It's all water under the bridge. Now, please, go see how father is doing."

Edward then left. A few moments after he left, James slowly got up and made his way to the window. He saw Arnold and Helga walking out of the mansion to the Packard. He knocked on the window, and they all waved goodbye to each other. As they were walking away, James noticed something. He'd noticed a light seemingly shining down on the two of them, almost as if it was _blessing_ them. As they left, James smiled at the sight. He had noticed a sense of peace inside himself. Maybe he'd go to jail for what he did. Maybe he'd be ridiculed completely if he tried to be a senator again. But he swore to himself something: he would start from scratch. He would work to bring prestige back to his family name, as he'd only taken 1 day to ruin the family name - but then again, his entire family had been ruining it from day one. If it took him one year, or 2, or 3, or even 33 more, he would strive to bring good to the family name.

Just a matter of time. He _would_ be redeemed.

* * *

**Well, that's the end! I hope you've enjoyed it. Sometime down the near future I'll put on a notes page and maybe I'll do a translation.**

**As though it needs to be reminded: this is to be my _only_ entry into the __****Hey Arnold!**** mythos, but who knows the future? Maybe I'll do the other ideas, but for now, I'm happy with this story.**

**Thanks for sticking round!**

**FRANCO F. FERRER-SAN MIGUEL**  
**Work started September 18, 2013**  
**Finished December 22, 2013**


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